


fear and degradation

by groupieforbucky



Series: fear and degradation [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Abusive Parents, Age Difference, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - 1970s, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Catholic Imagery, Choking, Coercion, Corruption Kink, Dacryphilia, Drug Use, Dubious Consent, Eating, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Food, Forced Orgasm, Grooming, Groping, Hair-pulling, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Manipulation, Multiple Orgasms, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overstimulation, POV Third Person, Physical Abuse, Praise Kink, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Slapping, Swearing, Verbal Abuse, Vomiting, gagging, innocence kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:07:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29850936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/groupieforbucky/pseuds/groupieforbucky
Summary: one look, and bucky was hooked
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Series: fear and degradation [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2194659
Kudos: 18





	1. one

it could have been an act of rebellion, or genuine curiosity. maybe it was just fate or coincidence. more than likely it was one of those ‘wrong place, wrong time’ situations that her mom seemed to talk about more and more often lately. whatever it was, she found herself squished between two warm bodies, hands clutching the sticky bar top in front of her. this isn’t where she should be doing this. she could ask someone at work if they knew anyone, take her neighbors up on that offer to introduce her to their son, try the personals in the paper…

she could do a lot of things to find a boyfriend.

and yet, here she was in this seedy club. she let out a quiet laugh at the realization that less than twelve hours from now, she’d be sat back in the same pew her and her mother occupied every sunday. how the white marble floors and ivory statues contrasted to her current surroundings. the fumes of candle smoke and blessed water laughably different from the scents of indistinguishable smoke and alcoholic drinks that wafted toward her from all sides. rosary traded for a bottle that sweat in her grasp, condensation trickling down her wrist.

“you look a little lost, girl.”

her head snapped around to the voice, a very tall and lanky man offering her a sympathetic smile. “oh, um…” she bit her lip, thumb rubbing soothingly at the neck of the bottle. “yeah, i’d say that’s… fair.”

“just here for the show?” he pried, squeezing himself in between her and the gruff man beside her, ignoring the grumble he received.

“no, i didn’t… i just wandered in. i didn’t know there was any kind of show.”

“michael,” he supplied, offering out his hand. she stared at it for a moment, but shook it with a mumble of her own name. “few local boys that are wrapping up their east coast tour. they’re not bad.” all she could do was nod, nail ripping into the soggy label of her forgotten beer. before she could tear it right down the middle, michael plucked it out of her hand and took a mouthful from it.

“excuse me!”

he grinned as he swallowed, shrugging, “you weren’t gonna drink it.” even if it was the truth she still found herself pouting over the wasted dollar. “aw, none of that… hey!” he waved down the bartender with a whistle. “order something you _actually_ like.”

the same man that had sold her the beer came back over, quirking a brow at the pair. unsure of herself, she looked back to michael with wide eyes. he simply nodded in silent encouragement. “can i, um… do you make shirley temples?”

both men busted out laughing before the one over the counter shook his head in disbelief. “not often,” he chuckled, “but i can.” she nodded, trying to force the heat from her face. it only took a moment for him to produce the vibrant drink, sliding it over to her on a small napkin. “it’s on the house. haven’t had a laugh like that in a while.”

“thank you…” the words were rushed out around the rim of the glass, sickly sweet liquid rushing onto her tongue. the concentrated syrup was a welcome relief; nostalgic and nowhere near as daunting as the drinks lining the shelves across from her.

“so,” michael started, “you’re not here for the show, not here to drink… what the hell are you here for?”

there wasn’t a chance she was going to answer that. not truthfully, anyway. her left hand came up to fiddle with the dainty, golden cross that hung just below her collarbones. no excuses came to mind, and she found herself shrugging, hips shifting atop the barstool. “not sure, really,” she lied.

“you gonna stay for the show?” michael prompted, earning another shrug. “better make up your mind. supposed to start soon.” without a parting glance, he left her side, disappearing into the sea of bodies that had grown since she first arrived.

all she could do was stare after him in shock and confusion as the lights overhead dimmed. her throat bobbed around the last sip of her drink, sound of the glass being placed back onto the bar top getting drowned out by excited screams. this was probably her cue to call it a night, and forget she’d ever attempted something so unorthodox. with a final thankful smile to the bartender, she pulled her small purse from between her thighs, swinging it over her shoulder.

just as a sandal hit the grimy floor, dulcet tones filled the air, drawing her attention to the stage. three men were now stood there, disco ball overhead spinning slowly, almost dreamlike. miniature rainbows twinkled around the bar, casting flares across her vision. she blinked lazily at the men, mouth falling open when the one in front began to sing. it wasn’t his voice that had her feet moving on their own toward the stage, however. it was the deep rumbling accompanying it that pounded in her chest steadily. not the drums that she could feel shaking the floor beneath her… no, this was something else. something… hypnotic.

suddenly she was second from the stage, gazing up at the fingers that moved in time with the thrumming behind her ribs. they strummed expertly at the instrument in their grasp, moving up and down the neck with gentle precision, a few rings glittering around them. it left her in a haze, mesmerized by the way she could feel each flick and press translated into deep, hearty pulses within her. the music was good, nothing like what she grew up with. no cheery, family melodies, or upbeat lyrics. with each song, she became more and more transfixed, hanging onto each word, each note, each _beat_ like her life depended on it.

she didn’t know when it happened, but she was right up front now. her stomach was pressed harshly into the edge of the stage as people bumped into her from behind. it was all background noise, her focus on the pointed boots that were mere inches from her now. her eyes trailed over them, up the bell-bottom jeans that clung to muscular legs. the sight of a prominent bulge straining beneath the denim on one side of the zipper had her swallowing thickly. her gaze kept on its path upward, lingering on those long, skilled fingers. firm forearms led up to a loose paisley shirt that was buttoned unevenly, and only to the middle. it left a toned chest on display; glistening with sweat, coated thinly in hair, dog tags dangling in the center of it all.

but it was when she completely looked up, head craned back, music coming to a slow stop, that she gasped out into the roar of the crowd. a pair of piercing slate eyes were already locked on her, pouty lips beneath them turned up on one side. he winked when she stumbled back into the body behind her, running both hands through his hair. her breath got stuck in her throat the longer he held eye contact, intensity never dwindling from his stare. the other two men on the stage began making their way off of it, but the one before her stayed put a little longer. it’s like he was freezing her in place, not allowing her to move until he broke their gaze, and followed after his bandmates.

finally regaining control of herself, she pushed through the crowd on shaky legs, searching out a restroom. a glowing sign at the entrance of a short hallway caught her attention, and she slipped inside the single bathroom before someone else could swoop in. her back hit the door heavily, slamming it shut as she fumbled with the lock. one hand shot up to press into her scorching cheek, other seeking out that golden charm that anchored her.

she laughed to herself, “what in the world?” trying to catch her breath, she glanced around the room, and felt a pang in her lower abdomen.

the toilet and sink rushed over each other, her reflection staring back at her from the foggy mirror haphazardly hung on the wall. there was no soap, no hot water, and she grimaced as she plucked a paper towel from the loose roll on the counter. she needed to head straight for the exit once she left the bathroom. go home and try to forget that gorgeous smirk that had been directed at her.

distracted with digging through her purse, she slammed right into something on her way out of the restroom.

“leavin’ already, honey?”

looking up, she was met with that sticky field of coarse hair. the metal of his dog tags caught the light for only a second before the man in front of her ducked into her space. a cloud of pungent smells hit her nose. she could recognize the sharp scent of alcohol, similar to that of her stolen beer, but there was something else. something earthy and musky, foreign to her senses. lingering beneath it was a heady aroma that reminded her of the man that used to stand in front of her at mass.

“cat got your tongue?” he smirked, tilting his head a little. she gulped visibly, hoping he hadn’t taken notice, and shook her head. “so answer me.”

his eyes were relentless, never wavering once for anything. they simply pierced into her own, fixing her in place.

just as she found the courage to speak, he stood back up straight and pulled her into his side. “party’s this way,” he chuckled, guiding her down the hall to a closed door.

“w-wait, i really… i have to get home.”

he ignored her, tightening his hold around her shoulders and throwing open the door. as soon as they were inside, he dropped his arm and pushed it shut again. she watched, hands gripping the strap of her purse for dear life, while he snatched a beer off the long table lining one wall. “help yourself,” he offered, motioning to the spread of refreshments before plopping onto a worn, green loveseat.

she stayed frozen at the door. there was nothing stopping her, she could just run out and never look back. but for whatever reason, her limbs kept her in place under his stare. that same look he’d given her when he was on stage; cold and calculating, yet almost curious and playful.

“enjoy the show?” he asked, words muffled around the neck of the bottle in his hand. his throat constricted around the large swigs he took from his beer. some of it dribbled out of the corner of his mouth, golden trail rushing down his chest, soaking into the patch of hair peaking out above his jeans.

“yes,” she swallowed, too afraid to break their eye contact.

“me too.”

they fell into silence, her arms wrapping around her middle self-consciously. he followed the action, eyes the only part of him that seemed to move, wandering over her form slowly. it made her fidget more, weight shifting from one foot to the other.

“first time in the new threads?”

she looked down to her outfit; brown sandals, brand new pair of bell-bottoms, and the halter top she’d embroidered at a sleepover with the girl down the block. her mother was already hesitant to let her go to the get-together, and she _knew_ she’d be in for it if she brought home the scandalous shirt. so it stayed tucked into the back of her closet. where it should have stayed, she thought, now that it was the sole focus of the man across the room.

“you talk at all?”

taking a deep breath, she forced out, “yes. i’m just nervous.”

“about what?”

‘ _you_ ,’ she wanted to say, but bit her tongue instead. “y-you play the guitar really well,” she tried to change the subject.

that smirk returned to his face, free hand smoothing over the inside of his thigh. she hadn’t even realized she’d tracked the movement until his voice caught her attention. “ain’t the guitar, baby, it’s the bass. sound is smoother than a regular guitar; nice and deep, just how i like it.”

her stomach clenched at his words, dripping from his lips like honey.

he finished off his beer with an obnoxious sigh of satisfaction, tossing the bottle onto the carpeted floor. “get me another one?” he said it as a request, but just by the tone of his voice and the look on his face, she knew it was a demand.

keeping one eye on him, she sauntered up to the table and plucked the last beer off of it. with the brown glass held loosely between her fingers, she brought it over to him, stopping just far enough away that he would have to sit forward to reach it.

he didn’t. all she got was a stern look, one brow raising challengingly.

with a shaky sigh, she took a few steps closer, arm extended out as far as it would go. he chuckled under his breath and reached for the drink, but grabbed her wrist at the last second. a yelp squeaked out of her throat when he pulled, sending her falling forward. the beer landed on the cushion beside him, her unrestricted hand planting itself on the back of the couch next to his head to keep herself from completely toppling onto him.

once again frozen, she looked down to his face only inches from her chest. his gaze was fixed on the necklace swaying around her collar, more specifically the charm dangling from it. when his hold tightened around her wrist, she gasped, watching as he brought his other hand up to curl a finger in the delicate chain. he hummed, running his tongue over his lips.

“you know,” he grinned, looking up into her eyes. “you’re a bit of a fox under that good girl facade.”

she wanted to pull back, but the fear of him snapping the jewelry from her neck kept her in place, inhaling the different scents that clung to his skin. to her relief, he withdrew his hand from her necklace, knuckles grazing along her chest in the process. a shiver rocked her form, searing heat settling beneath her skin. as badly as she wanted to get away from him, the flattery of having his attention outweighed the fear.

in a way, this is exactly what she’d gone looking for.

keeping their gazes locked, he stood slowly, their noses almost bumping. a harsh gust of air left her lungs when he let go of her wrist and walked away. tracking his movements, she watched him dig through an olive green backpack. he turned back to her with a smile, not that smirk he’d been wearing most of the night, but an actual _smile_. it made him look handsome.

his hand circled her wrist again, lifting it to slip a flyer into her palm.

“if i’ve read you right, i’ll be seeing quite a bit of you.” she looked over the list of dates and times next to a few clubs around brooklyn, gathering that they were shows he’d be playing in the coming weeks. when he dropped his hold gently, her feet immediately started to move, backing away from him carefully. just as she turned to make for the door, he slipped a finger into one of her belt loops, jerking her back against his exposed chest. “and i’m real good at reading,” he breathed down the side of her face.

“o-okay…”

“bucky,” he purred, “call me bucky.”


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bucky has some fun introducing his newest fling to his bandmates, amongst other things

weeks went by, filled with mundane tasks and household chores. summer was dying out into what was shaping up to be a brutal autumn. days still pleasantly warm albeit a little humid, but nights crisp enough to have fingertips going numb. it brought with it the slow season at the nursery, plants beginning to take their much anticipated rest. which also meant fewer hours for her to work.

and in that newfound free time, she found herself waiting around for the weekend. when she dug through the box at the top of her closet for clothes that would have her mother fainting on the spot. sneaking out in those clothes, off to a different sweaty club, ending the night in an equally stuffy greenroom.

~

_“come on, honey,” he laughed, watching beer spurt out around the neck of the bottle that he was forcing into her mouth despite her efforts to resist it. “just swallow it.”_

_her eyes squeezed shut as she did so, liquid burning its way down her throat, settling heavily in her stomach. the wasted portions of it were starting to dry on her neck and chest, creating a sticky layer over her already sweaty skin. satisfied with the bob of her throat, bucky pulled the bottle from her lips and placed it to his own. he finished off what was left in it as she caught her breath._

_“you’re drinkin’ wine every sunday, and a little brew’s got you choking?” he teased, nudging her chin with the empty bottle to get her to face him. she blinked a few times to clear the tears from her vision before staring up at him._

_“i only have a sip of the wine, bucky,” she heaved, “th-that was… mean.” her voice grew smaller with each word, gaze falling to her lap._

_bucky grazed his fingertips over the chain around her neck, smiling to himself. “you were goin’ too slow, baby. had to get one more in ya.”_

_something fluttered around her stomach like it always did when he spoke to her like that. only this time, with the alcohol flooding her veins, she began to feel lightheaded from it. suddenly, she just wanted to be home in bed, clutching her stuffed rabbit to her chest._

_“i-i wanna go home,” she slurred, trying to stand up, but finding it harder with that rushed fourth beer settling in._

_“sure, honey. i’ll walk ya.” a tiny squeak came from her mouth when he pulled her up with him, steering her out of the greenroom, down the hall, and through the front door. “lead the way,” he smirked, holding onto her waist with maybe too much force._

_it took a moment for her to figure out exactly where she was, and then her legs began moving. moving as if she was walking on fresh ice, but moving nonetheless. it was up to bucky to keep them on the sidewalk since she’d taken to gazing up at him, paying no mind to where her feet were landing. he laughed at her when she stepped too close to him and bumped them nearly into the street. from the corner of his eye, he watched her look at the cement for a moment before back to him._

_“s-sorry,” she mumbled, “i think i need to… sit down.” she fell against a fence surrounding some construction site, bucky helping her over to a stack of metal beams. her eyes stared up at him in awe, glossy lips parted slightly. “are you… are you my boyfriend, bucky?”_

_he released her waist to wrap his fingers around the fence over her shoulder. “that what you want, baby?” he teased, grinning at the way her breath hitched in her throat when he leaned in closer. “you wanna be my squeeze?”_

_“yes,” she sighed, eyes falling to the bassist’s lips and staying there._

_“yeah?” he pressed, dipping further into her personal space when she just nodded weakly. “yeah,” he agreed, bringing his other hand up to cup her cheek. “yeah, of course you do.” his words fanned across her mouth. as soon as he felt her hand on his chest, he pushed forward, connecting their lips with a heavy sigh from both of them._

_her lips were so soft and warm and pliant beneath his own, it was intoxicating. or maybe that was the stale beer on her tongue when he forced his own into her mouth. his hand slid around to the back of her neck, pulling a little whine from her throat as he bit at her bottom lip._

_“like that, honey?” he panted, laughing into her mouth when she pulled him back in by his shirt. it was sloppy and lazy from her state, making him smirk into the kiss. one more little moan from the back of her throat, and he lost it; yanking her head back to expose her neck. her skin lit up under the lights across the street, and he growled like some kind of animal, sinking his teeth into it. his hand abandoned the fence to wrap around her waist again, lifting her onto the metal beams with ease._

_“b-bucky,” she pleaded as his tongue soothed the burn his teeth left behind. all he could do was grunt against her neck, sucking the skin between his lips until it was tender enough to make her squeal. craving her mouth again, he trailed his own back up her jaw, licking a path over her skin until he reached those lips of hers. the hand behind her neck slid down slowly, leaving a burning line down her body, to rest on her thigh. he squeezed at the flesh, pushing up under her skirt but stopping himself despite how quickly his blood was pumping, head was spinning._

_he didn’t even realize that she’d stopped reciprocating, just pecking out her lips here and there as he put in all the work. she groaned just as he felt her hand shoving against his chest, but he ignored it, too caught up in his own thirst._

_“stop,” she gasped, barely getting the word out before she was twisting in his arms, bending forward to spew her guts all over the sidewalk below. it took bucky a moment to get his bearings, finally coming to when her nails dug into the skin where she’d taken purchase on his hip and chest to keep from falling over._

_“never gotten that reaction before,” he chuckled. she groaned again as he repositioned them so that she could stand, supporting herself on the fence. for a second, he thought she was gonna lose it again, but then she stood upright, tears brimming in her eyes as she looked up at him, mortified. her lips trembled, little hiccups bubbling in her chest._

_“i’m s-sorry,” she whimpered, clutching onto him tighter. “i’ve never… that was m-my first…”_

_“i know, baby, let me just get you home.”_

_he pulled her along, leading her around corners and down a couple of streets, her sobs settling into small sniffles by the time they were stood outside her house. bucky looked back down to her, watching as the moon and streetlights caught her eyes, and they twinkled like tiny fireworks. there was a tenderness in them that he hadn’t seen past all the worry usually flooding her stare. and he knew he had her._

_knew he had her so wrapped around his finger that she hadn’t even noticed he knew the way to her house._

~

she smiled at herself in the mirror, satisfied with how she looked. tonight was the first time she was meeting up with bucky somewhere other than a musty club. it was also the first time she was going to see him as _boyfriend and girlfriend._ the thought made her heart stutter in her chest, hands nervously smoothing over her skirt.

even two blocks away from the address he’d given her, she could see the commotion outside the small apartment building. she took a deep breath and pushed on, beelining for the staircase.

a hand around her wrist stopped her, familiar scent filling her senses. “all this for me, baby?” bucky cooed, spinning her around to show off her getup. her face burned under the scrutiny, and she looked around to make sure they weren’t drawing any attention. thankfully, everyone looked to be too busy with their own affairs to notice.

“bucky…”

the older pulled her into a heated kiss, rough hands dancing along the sliver of exposed skin between her skirt and blouse. “got all dolled up to meet my friends, huh?” before she could deny the accusation, he gripped her chin tightly, and grinned at her. “might have to lock you away, keep you all to myself.”

her hands grabbed his arm loosely, bucky planting a final kiss to her lips before all but dragging her up the narrow metal stairs. they entered the apartment, and she was immediately overwhelmed with everything around her.

people were everywhere, in all different states of undress, barely visible through the thick cloud of smoke in the air. subconsciously, she shifted closer to bucky, clinging to his side. his chest rumbled with a laugh, calloused hand squeezing her side comfortingly as he pushed through people and into a kitchen. when he picked out a beer from the selection of drinks on the counter, she perked up.

“mm, not tonight, baby,” he informed her, popping the cap off on the granite. “got something else i want you to try.”

“what?”

before bucky could get a word in, a call of her name surprised them both, two pairs of eyes looking over to the voice. her jaw went slack when michael wormed his way through the small group in the kitchen and followed in bucky’s footsteps, taking a beer from the counter.

“déjà vu, huh?” he laughed, nodding to bucky.

“i-i’ll say,” she stuttered, a little confused as to what he was doing here.

michael looked to the brunet she was hanging from and smirked around his drink. “you move fast, barnes, i’ll give you that.”

she felt bucky’s grip on her tighten, looking to his face to find it set in a scowl. “you know each other?” she asked, eyes dancing between the two men.

michael laughed, “you could say that…”

with a bruising hold on her waist, bucky steered them out of the kitchen over to a couch pressed against the far wall of the living room. he sat himself on it heavily, pulling her down onto his lap. she wanted to say something to try and ease the tension riddling him, but her words escaped her. then a sharp pain pinched at her neck, eliciting a yelp from her.

“don’t go gettin’ shy on me again,” the older purred into her ear before brushing his lips back over the spot he’d just bitten.

“you just gonna sneak in and ignore us?” she looked up at the voice, staring in awe as the singer from bucky’s band sat himself on the coffee table in front of them. behind her, she felt the brunet let out a heavy sigh and lean back into the couch. “or are you tryin’ to keep your girl from realizing she picked the wrong one?” he smiled at her, offering his hand, but she was too busy replaying the words ‘ _your girl_ ’ in her head to notice.

“ease up, sam…” the drummer dropped into the armchair beside them, smoothing a hand over his hair. “she’s real quiet, buck.”

“got that deer-in-headlights look, too,” sam quipped, grinning at her. “you look like that little disney movie… what the hell was its name?”

“ _bambi_ ,” bucky supplied. sam’s rambling became background noise as the skin of her thigh burned where bucky started gliding his fingers over it. chancing a look at him, their eyes locked, and she began to feel the heat behind her face doubling. he cocked his head slightly, motioning for her to relax back into him. breathing out shakily, she did just that, reclining against the arm of the couch and resting her side on his chest.

“bucky tell you the news?”

she looked to sam, shaking her head with a frown. “what news?”

“we’re gettin’ a spread in _creem_ , baby!” as sam broke out into excited hollering, the drummer smirked around his cigarette, shaking his head at his friend. “goin’ big time soon. i can feel it.”

“what’s _creem_?” she questioned, turning back to the brunet.

bucky set his eyes on the singer, furrow to his brow. “it’s a magazine, _baby_.” she nodded in understanding, and smiled at him. her mouth opened to congratulate them, but he cut her off. “steve, you bring my shit?”

“yeah.” the drummer, steve, pulled a small plastic bag from the front pocket of his jeans, lifting his hips off the chair a little. “you owe me.” bucky waved him off, snatching the bag with his free hand. “that’s our cue, sam.”

“yeah, yeah.”

the pair of them stood, saying their goodbyes with nefarious smiles. they went unnoticed, her full attention on the contents of the bag bucky was dumping into his hand. “this is what i want you to try tonight, baby,” he hummed, slipping one of the cigarette-like things between his lips. “take this.” without waiting for her to react, he shoved his beer bottle between her knees, younger shivering at the feel of the cold glass on her skin.

with an arm still wrapped around her, he lifted a slim pack of matches up, striking one across it until a flame hissed to life between them. he brought it up to the stick between his lips, chest inflating with an inhale before heavy smoke drifted out of his nose. “y-you want me to smoke tobacco? bucky, i-”

“no, bambi,” he laughed, shaking out the match until it died out. the new nickname made her chest tighten, head spinning with glee. “it’s a joint. ’s got marijuana in it.” that made her pause, flashes of the anti-drug classes her school used to mandate playing in her mind. he must have sensed her hesitation, soothing his hand over her thigh. “it’s all right, baby. you trust me, don’t you?”

“of course, bucky.” she bit her lip, staring into the burning end of the joint, watching the white paper turn black in the wake of orange heat.

“so open up,” he directed, pulling the joint from his mouth and holding it out to hers. she did as he said, letting the dry material settle between her lips. it stuck awkwardly to her chapstick, and she sat confused for a moment until bucky chuckled at her. “you gotta breathe it in, silly girl.”

nodding, she sucked in through her mouth, watching the embers on the end flare up. the smoke crept down her throat into her lungs, burning like crazy and leaving a stale taste on her tongue. her eyes squeezed shut for a moment before blowing wide when she began choking enough to spring tears behind them. bucky grabbed the joint from her lips before it could fall into her lap, taking it to his own without a second thought.

“maybe that was a little too fast for you,” he hummed. her coughs finally subsided just in time for him to wrap his hand around her neck and pull her forward. their lips ghosted one another before he planted his over hers, prying them open with his tongue. he breathed out, letting the smoke flood the air they shared. to his delight, she took it in, eyes boring into his in search of approval.

the sight made bucky grunt, slamming their lips together. his hand slid up from her neck into her hair, tugging at the strands until he got the quiet whimper he craved. “ow,” she whined, “that hurt…” her complaint died in her throat, twisting into a gasp when he dropped the joint into his abandoned beer and moved the bottle onto the coffee table. his hands grabbed onto both sides of her waist so he could swing her over and place her onto his opposite thigh. he wasted no time getting their mouths back together, pushing down on her leg to keep it bent against his crotch when she tried to reposition it.

the friction was too good for her to pull away. not to mention how he could feel the heat of her core pressed against his jeans.

her head spun as their lips slid together, just as hungrily as the week prior, except now there were no interruptions. no alcohol rising up her throat to kill the mood. a quiet, panted moan punched out of her, puffing across his lips. he smirked into it, knowing it was because he’d pushed and pulled on her hips, forcing her to rock against his leg.

“god damn,” he breathed, devouring her mouth again, their tongues prodding at each other. a surge of confidence rumbled through her, and she pressed her knee down a little harder, swallowing the groan he let out. the drug was slowly overtaking her, relaxing her muscles and calming any spikes of nervousness that threatened to break through.

it was also making the fire in her lower abdomen burn out of control, almost painfully. the ache between her thighs like a knotted rubber band getting stretched to its limits.

bucky’s hands forced her hips again, and she felt the familiar moisture pooling through her folds. reflexively, and a little self-consciously, she went to clench her thighs together, but was stopped by bucky’s own that she was perched on.

“uh-uh,” he tutted, pulling her legs back open and tugging her hair again to put her neck on display. as he kissed along her jaw, her eyes opened to stare up at the ceiling a little deliriously. her vision was blurry from the heated tears gathering in the corners of her lashes, mouth wet with the same heat that flowed through her entire body.

trying to catch her breath, she mewled, “bucky… something’s…” his mouth running along her neck distracted her, crashing her train of thought before it could depart. he bit playfully over the same spot that he’d sunk his teeth into earlier, earning a pained whine.

it was rough. his _hands_ were rough as they pushed their way up under her skirt, just barely grazing the hem of her underwear. having him grab at her, bend her to his desired position was mind-numbing, sending thick bursts of heat throughout her. when she felt his fingertips sneak under the band of her panties, a gush between her legs made her gasp out in shock.

suddenly, she became paranoid at just _how_ damp she felt, and went to pull away. “i-i’ve gotta use the restroom,” she sputtered, managing to fumble out of his grasp just as his other hand began kneading the flesh of her ass. her feet carried her to the first room she saw, thankfully turning out to be a bathroom.

it happened so fast, bucky didn’t have time to register what was going on until she was gone, door slamming shut in her wake. he blinked a few times, trying to come back down to earth, and let out a frustrated sigh.

leaning back against the bathroom door, she sighed out shakily. she was frozen for a moment, limbs trying to catch up with her brain. eventually, she hiked up her skirt and pulled her panties down in fear. expecting a smear of red, she was relieved to see just a damp patch of clear, gel-like liquid sitting in her underwear. embarrassed, she laughed quietly to herself and shook her head.

when bucky’s vision focused back in, he looked around to see no sigh of her. rolling his eyes, he ran his hands along his thighs to stretch. his fingers slid over a wet spot that he didn’t think much of at first. just some spilled beer, probably. and then his mind caught up with itself, and his eyes blew wide to look down at what he’d felt. the darkened denim stared back at him from right where she’d just been sitting. at the sight, he felt himself twitch, mouth curling into a snarl. peeling himself off the couch, he started toward the bathroom, footsteps falling loudly on the carpet.

she glanced over herself in the mirror one last time. her chapstick was smeared along her chin, leaving a waxy residue, but other than that, she wasn’t too disheveled. with a final deep breath, she turned to unlock and open the door, coming face-to-face with a disgruntled bassist. “bucky,” she started, about to apologize for running away when he pushed his way in, slamming the door back shut and hitting the lock.

a confused yelp got caught in her throat as he backed her up against the wall, placing a hand behind her head. “bambi, bambi, bambi,” he sneered, eyes lit with mischief. “just look at the mess you made on my favorite fuckin’ jeans.” his hand pushed her head so she would look down at where his other was pointing to the wet spot on his thigh. she blinked stupidly a few times before he hummed and yanked her hair back, getting her to look at him again. she was sputtering like a fish, words trying and failing to form on her tongue. “now, what am i gonna do with you?” he rasped, tightening his fingers in her hair so he could force their mouths together.

it wasn’t long this time, though. no, the older had better things to get to.

with a wet smack, he pulled them apart, trailing his lips hotly down her throat. “i’m dying to know,” he began, dropping his knees down a bit to mouth along the exposed skin of her chest through the obscene shirt she had on. this thin suede number, pieced together and slit almost all the way down the front, only being held together by the laces tied across her breasts.

“wait, bucky… we can’t… _i_ can’t do this. i-i can’t lie with a man before marriage.”

he ignored her to grip one of those breasts through the plush fabric, pushing it up so he could sink his teeth into the squishy flesh. a beautiful, shaky breath fell from her lips, pulling a grin to his own. her skin was soft beneath his touch, begging for him to suck it into his mouth. just like her neck, he bit into it hard enough to leave little indents in the surface. with a satisfied smile, he let his knees fully drop to the floor, cheap linoleum surprisingly not as uncomfortable as one would think.

“so i’ll let ya keep standing, baby,” he beamed, eye level with her hips. bucky looked up at her to see her pupils blown out behind hooded eyelids, chest heaving, lip pulled between her teeth in worry. “now, any idea what i’m so curious about?” he teased, dropping both hands down to grab the flesh of her thighs.

“i… i don’t know,” she relented breathlessly, hands fidgeting at her sides.

“i just _gotta_ find out,” he started, pushing her legs apart in front of him. “if you’re as sweet on the inside as you are on the outside,” he finished. in the blink of an eye, he gripped the end of her skirt and pulled it up to reveal silky pink panties with a little rose stitched into the front, scripted font reading, ‘ _saturday_.’

“bucky…”

“fucking god damn,” he hissed once he noticed the dark, wet patch that soaked the entire crotch of the underwear. a breathy laugh falling from his lips, he dropped his forehead onto her upper thigh. “you’re really tryin’ to kill me, aren’t ya, baby?”

a devious grin spread out across his face as he hooked his fingers into the waist of the panties. slowly, torturously, sliding the material down her hips until they rested bunched at the tops of her knees. bucky nuzzled into them, sucking in a harsh breath, releasing it around a growl. he yanked them the rest of the way down her legs, squeezing one of her ankles to get her to step out of them.

he reached through her thighs, winding his arms around the backs of them, gripping onto her hips. when he lifted her clear off the ground, she shrieked, hands desperately grasping at the wall behind her for any kind of support. “bucky, be careful!” she cried as he placed her thighs on his shoulders.

snickering at her, he let one of her legs fall off of him, her signature sandal planting itself on his thigh. “i’m not gonna drop you.” bucky looked up at her, staring her down as he trailed kisses up the inside of her thigh that remained on his shoulder. every inch of skin he touched seemed to be softer, warmer than the last. “i got you,” he promised, finally close enough for her to feel the heat of his breath along her core.

she nodded, shutting her eyes for a moment, trying to recite a prayer, _any_ prayer, but her mind came up blank. it made her lip quiver, fear that she was already lost to her faith.

a kiss fell on the juncture of her leg, barely there. then just below her navel. final one right at the top of her mound. kneading the flesh roughly, bucky released one of her hips to bring the hand around, brushing his fingers along her slit. “fucking soaked, honey,” he marveled, licking his lips in anticipation before planting his entire mouth over her. her own fell open around a silent moan when she felt his tongue slip between her lips and dig into her entrance. “fuck me… _honey_ is right. you taste so good, baby.”

it was like overly sweet grapefruit; just the right amount of tang hidden in the sugar.

bucky couldn’t help himself, diving back in just to suck more into his mouth, savoring the taste like a last meal. her legs shook around him, muscles going taut beneath his fingers. groaning, he gripped her ass with his other hand, bringing the one on her thigh up to part her lips. the added access allowed him to nudge deeper into her, tongue bumping her clit sharply.

a moan fell out of her when he flicked it, hand shooting up to grip his soft strands. it felt _good_. everything from the firm grip on her ass to the drag of his ratty shirt on the backs of her legs to his hair tickling her skin each time he got particularly close. and especially, _especially_ the long, languid strokes of his tongue all the way along her slit from her opening to the bud of nerves that throbbed beneath the attention.

“mm, bucky,” she strained, throwing her head back against the wall behind her when he nipped at her. he was making a show of it, it seemed, lapping and sucking loudly, sending lewd noises through the bathroom. it was overwhelming, but the older couldn’t leave it at that. no, he had to add to the auditory stimulation by moaning into her and breathing deeply like some kind of beast.

the heel of her shoe dug into his thigh when a notable jolt of pleasure shook through her body, causing her knees to buckle. just as he promised, his hold on her was tight, and she didn’t falter.

the burn in her stomach built up quickly, aching as he continued to feast on her. the soft moans she was letting out drove him up the wall, made his jeans get tighter and tighter around his hips. it wasn’t enough for him, though. he needed her writhing, begging for him to stop and not stop all at the same time.

taking a risk, he moved the fingers that had previously spread her open to run a circle around her entrance. he felt the rim twitch under his touch and snorted like a bull. slowly, he pushed them in, knuckle by knuckle, keeping his lips wrapped around the small bud just above them to ease any burn. either it worked exceptionally well, or she was just that gone. nothing but moans and whines spilling from her.

“good, baby?” he asked, grinning up at her, lips glistening in the harsh light of the room. she nodded frantically, fingertips digging into his scalp as he took a break from abusing her clit to thrust his fingers in and out of her lazily. “good.”

and there went the break, his tongue flattening out against her while he picked up the pace of his digits.

if she thought the sounds of his mouth were enough to knock her out, she couldn’t imagine what the new noises his fingers made would do. slick, wet pops echoing off the walls as she leaked all over his hand. her hips bucked into his face on their own, muscles spasming wildly in his hold. her nerves were alight with white-hot pleasure that had a heavy tear rolling down her cheek hotly.

it was like bucky knew just what to do and where to do it to have waves of bliss pulsing through her body. the way he curled his fingers toward himself inside her sending a jolt up her spine and straight to that nest of pleasure. it was almost painful how good it felt; limbs burning as she tightened and relaxed them, back sliding against the wall that was thudding with the beat of whatever song was playing beyond the bathroom.

the bassist was a little forceful with the way he handled her, surely bruising the skin of her hips and ass that would be tender come morning. his mouth was no different, sucking on her pearl until stars twinkled behind her eyelids.

but something about him being so rough with her had her heart pounding even harder in her chest. made her hand clutch at the tufts of brown hair even tighter. brought scorching bliss through every nerve in her, from her toes all the way up to the stinging tears in her eyes.

the knot in her stomach started to stiffen, ready to break into a thousand pieces. her hips were jerking forward uncontrollably, seeking out the older’s tongue in desperation. “oh, my…” she caught herself, hand slapping over her mouth in shame.

trying to provoke her, he began scissoring his fingers open, earning a wet keen from the back of her throat, but nothing more. huffing, he popped his mouth off of her center, ducking his head to suck at her thigh. his hand kept pace, bringing her closer to her end. and either bucky didn’t notice, or he was ignoring it. she assumed it was the latter as he hummed in admiration, kissing over the tender, bruised flesh he’d left along her leg.

her body tensed up briefly, relaxing back for a few moments, and then clenching up again as the pleasure started to come to a head. “b-bucky… please,” she begged, not sure what exactly she was asking for.

the bassist smirked against her thigh, continuing to mark her wherever he could reach. he knew she wanted his mouth back, but he refused, pacifying her with a harder, faster pace of his fingers. it had her mouth falling open silently, eyes fluttering shut and forcing more hot tears down her cheeks.

the knuckles of his unused digits pounded against her entrance, filling the air with filthy smacking sounds. bursts of white exploded behind her eyelids as she felt the tops of her thighs up to her waist go tight with an almost hollow ache.

“come on, baby,” bucky coaxed, voice deep and smooth. she whined weakly in response, not able to make anything louder than it as her whole body went weak, bracing for the impact. pants punched out of her, tingling starting in her calves. just a dull smarting quickly shooting up past her knees, through her thighs, and finally bursting behind her navel.

“bucky!” she cried out as it spread like a ripple on the surface of a lake all throughout her bones, knocking the wind out of her.

“good girl,” he praised, keeping her upright, fingers still maintaining that same pace. it forced her back off the wall, her hips instinctively trying to escape the onslaught of stimulation. with a gentle kiss to her thigh, the bassist stilled his hand, giving her a split second of relief before his tongue struck back against her bud.

“no!” she gasped, still shaking and trying to pull his head away from her. “i ca- i can’t…”

her pleas were futile, bucky simply getting back to his assault on her core. she seized around his fingers, pleasure no longer that slow buildup. now it was teasing the line of painful, nerves trying to keep up with the sensation while still recovering from the initial wave. as much as it stung, it felt twice as satisfying. her fight vanished, leaving only desperation behind. it was as if she was right back on the edge the whole time, only never getting the final push she needed to get there. it was torturous, cruel. but so inexplicably sweet at the same time.

bucky’s fingers rammed into her, lips permanently suctioned around her bundle as it throbbed between them. he moaned over it when her fingers yanked at his roots. they couldn’t pry him off no matter how hard she tried.

a wheezed scream split the air when the second wave finally hit her, sending her head flying back into the wall with a sickening thud. a chant of his name babbled out of her, getting quieter with each syllable. bucky grinned at the feeling of her thighs squeezing around his head. the movement tightened her channel, forcing a thick stream of her wetness mixed with his spit to trail out of her, down his hand and arm.

calm started to settle into every corner of her, skin warming all over. for a moment, she thought she was going to pass out as his hand slowed down but didn’t halt.

“stop,” she murmured, head lolling back, fingers slipping from his hair. bucky dropped his hands, but kept his mouth in place, savoring the last drops of her. “p-please, bucky…”

taking pity, he pulled away with a smack of his lips. her leg fell to the floor with a thud as he stood, pressing his body into hers so she wouldn’t collapse. bucky stared down at her parted lips, face streaked with tears. “open wider,” he commanded, tapping at her cheek with his clean hand. when she did so without question, he shoved his two fingers that had just been inside her into her mouth, watching in awe as she closed her lips on instinct.

just as he went to tell her to start sucking, she did so on her own.

bucky laughed gutturally, marveling, “fuck, you’re filthy.” the words prompted her to slip her tongue between his digits, cleaning off every trace of herself until he tugged them from her mouth harshly, grabbing her jaw with them and his thumb. he stared past her waiting lips, chest heaving at the sight of strings of spit and her release that clung to her tongue, insides of her cheeks. “you’re lucky i’m so nice, bambi. otherwise i’d knock you to your knees and shove my cock down this throat of yours.”

while her lungs still throbbed, trying to calm her racing heart, she blinked at him in in shock.

“next time,” he winked, “gotta make it special for my girl, right?”

and that was it. those two little words sending her heart into a flurry of emotions. she couldn’t ruin this with stupid concerns about his demeanor or choice of words. and she hoped that as long as she had a ring on her finger eventually, all would be forgiven and forgotten. she just had to stick it out.

“let’s get you home, baby,” he purred against her lips, slotting their mouths together tenderly. “gotta have you well rested for confession tomorrow.”


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sunday brings more than a bad rainstorm

rolling over for the millionth time that morning, she jumped at the low rumbling of thunder that rattled her bedroom windows. from where she was curled up on her bed, she could see dark clouds rolling in over the city. a warm tear slid down her temple, wiped away quickly by her hand. she felt disgusting.

more than that, she was _scared_. afraid of having to face her mother, afraid of attending mass, afraid of seeing bucky again. the fear caused her stomach to lurch, but she forced it down and tightened her hold on her stuffed rabbit. though, even that wasn’t bringing her any comfort. she felt guilty over it, too. like she was tainting the innocent plush toy by even touching it.

stirring down the hall let her know that her mother had finally gotten up, ready to start their weekly routine of showering and sitting together for a small breakfast.

her door creaked open, footsteps padding across carpet toward her. “are you up?” her mother poked, sitting on the end of her bed. in place of a verbal answer, she rolled over to face the older woman, careful to keep her face stoic. “good. we’ve gotta be quick today, i overslept.”

at that, she turned to look at her alarm clock, spine going stiff at the time that reflected on it. “there’s barely any time to shower!”

“for you, maybe,” her mother laughed, “i’m volunteering today, so i take priority.”

“but i…” her voice trailed off. more than anything she wanted a hot shower. the need for one had kept her up most of the night, skin still sticky from her previous indiscretions. the stern look the older saddled her with ended the discussion, and she had to come to terms with the fact that she’d be attending mass with bucky’s spit still caked to her. blinking back more tears, she choked out, “you’re volunteering? you won’t be home today?”

her mother rolled her eyes and stood from the bed, making for the door. “yes, remember? father marshall asked me to help out with sunday school this week.” before completely exiting the room, she looked to her daughter in annoyance. “i think you’ll be all right on your own for one day.”

~

the pair of them rushed up to the stairs of the church, younger freezing before her foot could make contact with the first step.

“what in the world is wrong with you this morning?” her mother hissed, yanking on the sleeve of her coat. “first you burn breakfast and break one of my good bread plates, now you’ve forgotten how to walk up stairs? we’re already late, now let’s _go_.”

“i-i don’t feel well,” she tried, petrified of walking through the great wooden doors.

scoffing dramatically, her mother placed the back of her hand to the younger’s forehead, lips pursing in thought. “you do feel a little warm… but we’re already here, so come on.”

they entered without a moment to spare, quickly making the sign of the cross before slipping into their usual pew. a heady scent overcame her, and she looked up to find the man that had stood in front of them for years back in his place. as singing began to fill the air, he looked over his shoulder, smiling at the two women.

all it did was make her gut wrench further, the smell now reminding her of bucky and the things they’d done.

time began to pass in a blur of echoing organ music and lilted voices. she kneeled when prompted and stood when finished. the words printed across pages of the book in her hands ran together, mangling her tongue until she gave up trying to recite them.

monotonous tones carried familiar lines to her ears, her lips unable to form them until the final one began, “… and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”

“a-amen,” she stammered out a split second after everyone else.

the man in front of them turned himself fully and offered out his hand to her before her mother took it into her own. “forgive her,” the older chirped, pulling his gaze from her daughter. “she’s a bit under the weather.”

“oh no,” he fretted, catching the younger’s gaze with a small smile. “feel better, darling. peace be with you.”

“and also with you,” her and her mother replied in unison.

as the people around her carried on with the sign of peace, she stood still, hands at her sides uselessly. she could feel her lip quiver, biting it to keep it from going noticed. this felt like the first sign of being cast out. she went unnoticed, overlooked by her peers. no one so much as nodding or bowing politely in her direction.

it was as if _he_ knew and had turned her invisible to the others.

the sight of communion beginning brought her some relief. if she could just get up there and receive it like before, some normalcy would return to her…

“stay seated, will you? you know how father marshall is about catching colds. he’ll smell it on you a mile away.”

without another word, her mother left her on the hard bench as it slowly became vacant. she sat there, looking around at the rest of the outsiders that had just wandered into the service, seeking some form of belonging. feeling the tears spring back up, with no way to fight them off this time, she slumped forward, knees thumping onto the padded kneeler below. her hands clung onto the back of the pew, face burying into them as hot tears began to fall onto her cheeks.

this was it. she had finally been shunned.

~

as mass came to a close, her mother pushed her toward their neighbor, mrs. coleman. the elderly woman placed a wrinkled hand on the younger’s bicep, squeezing it comfortingly.

“get her home for me, please. she’s not feeling too well.”

mrs. coleman cooed at the girl in her grasp, “that’s no good, baby. you’re gonna miss out on confession…”

her mother hummed in agreement but still ushered them toward the exit. “i think all those sins of hers can wait until next week, don’t you?” the two shared a laugh, blissfully unaware that the youngest needed it now more than ever. “now, i want you to take a hot bath when you get home. try to break that slight fever. i’ll be home sometime after lunch, okay?”

“okay,” she nodded, falling in step with mrs. coleman. they left the church in silence, walking home with a few shared comments about the dreary weather. it had yet to begin raining, but there was a dampness in the air that signaled its impending arrival.

stepping up to her porch, the younger turned to her neighbor with a thankful smile, making to head inside. “don’t forget that bath,” the older directed, getting a nod of understanding. “i’ll run home and see what i can scrounge together. hopefully have a half-decent soup ready when you’re finished.”

“thank you, mrs. coleman.”

with that, she slipped into her house, crumpling to the floor as soon as the door snapped into place. her hand came up to capture the sobs that began ripping up her throat, chest burning with the sounds. they made her head pound, eyes sting, heart stutter.

she couldn’t be sure how long she sat like that, but eventually her sobs became shaky hiccups, finally settling into quiet sniffles. she stared ahead at the hallway before her, walls seeming to warp the longer she sat there. using the door behind her as leverage, she slowly rose back to her feet, and made for the bathroom.

the faucet rushed loudly as she sank into the near-boiling water, an unsteady hiss leaving her lips. steam filled the air around her, making it harder for her to breathe. she just sat there for a while, letting the water rise around her until just her knees peaked out over it. silence took over the room when she lifted a foot to shut off the tap, just the muted trickling of her body shifting within the liquid.

not wanting to waste the heat, she pulled herself together and began lathering up a cloth with soap. it was her favorite; a nice lavender one that created the smoothest suds she’d ever felt. she still remembers first trying it and feeling so luxurious afterwards.

it seemed like a lifetime ago.

groaning in frustration, she began to rub at her skin harshly, water splashing around the pink acrylic of the tub, lapping at the ledge. she pressed into the bruised flesh of her lower half, hips sore enough to cause her legs to jerk from the pain. with eyes starting to burn once again, she forced the cloth between her legs and scrubbed her center until a whimper left her lips. and even then, she persisted.

her hands finally fell away when the skin became so raw and tender, even the feel of the now warm water caused a smarting beneath the surface. the pain brought an unexpected calm to her, like the cleansing flames of a fire, burning away the last of the evil.

with new confidence, she carried out the rest of her bathing, taking her time with shaving, and even humming to herself soothingly. she felt normal for the time being, running her pruney fingertips over the top of the water. her spirits continued to lift as she drained the tub, pulling on her favorite robe that she always kept on the radiator. the warm terrycloth enveloped her, shielding her from the cool air that began to rush from the vent overhead when she turned on the fan.

she wiped at the foggy mirror with the sleeve of her robe, revealing her reflection. her hips dug into the vanity as she leaned forward, inspecting every inch of her face. there was a new spot popping up along her right eyebrow, sore to the touch when she poked at it.

sighing, she slid open the medicine cabinet and pulled out the fancy face cream she always forgot to use. it wasn’t like the soap in that this was an _actual_ luxury. it never failed to make her feel special when she rubbed it into her skin like she did now.

she shut the fan off, allowing the lingering scent of lavender to seep back into the air. just as she stepped into the hallway, a knock at the front door stopped her in her tracks. she hesitated for a moment, then remembered mrs. coleman was supposed to be bringing soup over. not caring if the elderly woman saw her in her current state, she sauntered down the hall and creaked open the door.

“we gotta stop meeting like this, bambi.”

staring at the man before her, she panicked. unlike every other time they’d encountered each other, she slammed the door shut quickly, and clicked the lock. “y-you can’t be here,” she called through the wood, pressing her palms into it as if he’d bust through.

“oh, come on, baby, don’t be like this.”

“my neighbors will see!”

a muffled chuckle sounded from him, the handle of the door jiggling with his attempt to get in. “nothing to see if you let me in, silly girl. they’ll definitely see me out here making a scene, though.”

“i don’t want you here,” she said sternly, anger finally boiling under her skin.

“you don’t mean that…”

“go away!” her foot stomped onto the carpet out of frustration and fear. if someone were to see his disheveled self on her porch, she’d be as good as dead once word got to her mother. heart racing behind her ribs, she pressed an ear to the door and heard nothing. nervously, she peaked through the peephole. nothing.

she let out the breath she had been holding in, partly relieved and partly disappointed that getting rid of him was that simple. on shaky legs, she made her way back down the hall to her room. her dresser drawers groaned against each other as she dipped into different ones in search of her most comfortable pajamas. if her mother was willing to believe she was under the weather, she was going to take full advantage of not having to get dressed up to lounge around the house.

a smile pulled at her lips when she felt the soft flannel of her favorite nightgown fall over her form, doing up the few buttons at the top. it was a bit shorter than most, coming to just above her knees, but the extra breeze was welcome against the still tender flesh at the apex of her legs.

just as she plucked a pair of underwear from the top drawer, a few taps to her window startled her. she spun around quickly, screaming at the sight of bucky prying the pane open.

“what’s with all the yelling today?” he huffed, hauling himself into her room, landing beside her bed with a thud. “you should really lock this, you know.” making a show of it, he slammed the window shut, twisting the locks into place. when he faced her again, his eyes trailed over her wickedly.

him advancing toward her prompted her to step back, crashing into her dresser and rattling the contents on top of it. “don’t,” she warned, voice laughably unthreatening even to her own ears.

“don’t what?” bucky crowded her against the piece of furniture, same fingers that had torn her apart last night coming up to rub the lace trimming around her neck and chest. “don’t tell you how precious you look in this little nightie?” his hands planted themselves on either side of her, caging her in so he could lean into her. inhaling against the crook of her neck, he hummed, “don’t tell you how good you smell?”

“no,” she whispered anxiously, flinching as a hand began trailing up her thigh.

“good enough to eat, baby…”

when he nipped at her jaw, she fisted a hand in his shirt, pushing gently. “bucky, _please_ …” a slender finger brushed along her still raw center, causing her to yelp pitifully. they both stilled when the doorbell rang through the house, followed by a key in the lock. “you have to leave right now!”

“got other guys comin’ over?”

“wha- no! i-it’s my neighbor…” the click of the doorknob turning shot fear up her spine, hands desperately pushing at the older’s chest. “please don’t do this to me, _please_. just…”

“you out of the bath yet, baby?” mrs. coleman called from the foyer.

cocking an eyebrow, bucky started to give in to her shoves. “thought you were _my_ baby,” he chuckled quietly.

“i am, i promise! just… please hide, _please_. i’ll do anything…”

as footsteps started coming toward them down the hallway, she looked up at bucky in a panic, eyes pleading with him silently. he winked at her, signature smirk on his lips, before dropping onto the floor and squirming under her bed.

“there you are,” mrs. coleman chirped, shuffling into her bedroom. “were you about to take a nap?” turning to the older, she nodded and tried to calm her breathing. her neighbor eyed her for a moment before motioning her over. she complied and tried not to jerk away when mrs. coleman’s near-freezing hand brushed along her forehead. “good heavens, you’re as hot as this soup!”

“i’ll say.”

the deep voice stopped the older woman from heading back up the hallway, a quirk to her brow when she faced the younger again. “what, dear? you’ve gotta speak up, my ear is acting up again.”

“oh, nothing, i just… i was… agreeing with you.”

she could feel her head getting lighter, ears starting to ring as she followed her neighbor out into the dining room. sitting stiffly in her usual chair, she waited until a bowl was set before her, steaming broth causing her stomach to grumble in protest.

“i gotta get home for my stories, but give me a ring if you need anything, okay?”

she nodded, offering with a shaky voice, “thank you.” and then the door shut behind her neighbor, and she was left alone with the man under her bed. if she wasn’t having such a hard time breathing, she’d laugh at how the boogeyman had come to be more than just some story her mother told her to keep her in line.

pushing the bowl away from her, she stood and made to head back to her room. a shriek left her throat when she turned the corner and was met with her stuffed rabbit held up mere inches from her face.

“please, mommy,” bucky whined in a childish voice, waving the toy around. “don’t be mad at mr. bucky. he just wanted to come see his girl.”

snatching it from his hands, her face scrunched into a glower at the older, fingers rubbing soothingly over the ear of her stuffed animal. bucky’s face twitched with something she couldn’t decipher before he began wandering around the house. he took in baby pictures and framed hymns. multiple crucifixes in each room.

“don’t these things cancel each other out after a certain point?” when he didn’t get a response, he looked over his shoulder to see her form retreating into her bedroom. he could feel the anger building in his chest, but he knew it was rooted in agitation from her rejection more than anything.

bucky walked into her room to see her clutching the pair of panties he’d kept her from putting on, ready to finally slip into them.

that wouldn’t do.

“come on, baby, what’s wrong?” he cooed, taking the garment from her hands. she locked eyes with him for only a second, gaze dropping to her lap quickly after. “that what this is all about? want me to make you feel good again?”

“no…”

it was easy enough for him to wrestle her to the bed, her body bouncing onto the mattress as she squirmed in his hold. he knelt between her knees, running his fingers down her sides. the closer his hands got to her hips, the more her fight dissolved. until he was pushing up the hem of her gown, and she went stock-still, eyes squeezing shut.

bucky’s brows furrowed when he pressed his knuckles against her slit. the skin was hot to the touch, swollen from irritation. looking to her face again, he watched her wince in pain when he slipped a finger between her.

“what did you do, bambi?” he asked, worry slipping into his tone despite his efforts to keep it even. her eyes stayed clenched as a sniffle shook through her chest, and her hands came up to cover her face. it froze him in place, blue eyes going wide at the sight before him.

what did _he_ do?

standing back up, he frowned to himself when she scrambled away from him, curling into herself against the wall. slowly, he placed a knee on the bed, watching for any sign of discomfort from her. getting none, he crawled the rest of the way onto the bed, lying on his side right behind her.

“hey,” he tried in a soft voice. she didn’t respond. her crying paused for only a second when he tried her name. “look at me, please.” he waited for her to wiggle onto her back, tears streaking the sides of her face. “did i do that to you, baby?”

breathing shakily, she shook her head. “no, _i_ did.” before he could question her, she brought her gaze up to his. “it was horrible, bucky,” she started, rolling into him to bury her face in his chest. “it was like everyone knew, a-and they were all avoiding me, _mocking_ me…”

“who? the assholes at church?” he felt her nod against him. “the fuck do they know? you made your confession, that’s all that-”

“ _i didn’t_ ,” she sobbed into his shirt, fisting the cotton with all her might. “i didn’t get to participate at all!”

unable to hear it anymore, he placed a finger under her chin to tilt her face up toward his own. “i wanna ask you somethin’.” he waited for her to calm down a little before coming out with it. “wanted to wait until we knew for sure… the guys and i had a meeting with our management, that’s why my ass is up this early,” he chuckled, getting a small smile from her. “we’re headin’ out west for a tour. and i want you to come with me, baby.”

pulling her head back slightly, she stared at him, dumbfounded, mouth opening and closing a few times before she could collect herself. “what? bucky… i can’t…”

“what’s keeping you here, baby? those ignorant fucks that made you feel like this? a dead-end job waterin’ plants all day?” when she shifted away from him slightly, he grabbed onto her hip. “what?”

“how… how did you know i work at the nursery?”

without missing a beat, he recounted, “you told me. don’t you remember?”

she honestly didn’t remember ever talking about work with him, but she must have if he knew about it. shaking her head, she mumbled, “i can’t just leave it all behind. leave my _mom_ behind…”

“it ain’t forever, silly girl. few months, tops.” shrugging, she began to chew her lip, mind working in overdrive to think of more excuses. “come on, think about it; warmer weather, change of scenery, _me_ …”

a giggle bubbled from her chest when he dug his fingers into her side. the more she thought about it, the more appealing it sounded. “i _have_ always wanted to visit disneyland… oh, what am i saying? bucky, i can’t…”

“shh,” he cooed, pulling her into him again, rubbing at her back. “sleep on it. right here… curled up with your man…”

while she grinned to herself over hearing bucky refer to himself as such, the older’s breathing leveled out. soon, quiet snores sounded from him, and she just watched his sleeping face, pouty lips parted slightly. for all the anger she harbored toward him, she still found herself tingling all over with excitement at his attention. and now he wanted to bring her on the road with him? for _months?_ maybe it was just wishful thinking, but that had to mean he liked her even just a little.

~

a tickling against her cheek woke her, shoulder shrugging up to try and rub away the sensation. rumbling under the other side of her face startled her into sitting up, blinking rapidly to take in her surroundings. she looked back to see bucky staring up at her lazily, one of his hands stroking at her thigh.

“you’re better than the bottle, girl. knocked me out cold,” he laughed.

she smiled shyly before catching sight of her alarm clock. gasping, she jumped out of her bed and began pulling on his arm. “we slept for almost four hours!” she squawked, finally getting him to sit up.

“yeah, and?”

“my mother could be home any minute!” the desperation in her voice made him give in and allow her to drag him to his feet.

“can i use the door this time?”

she looked around frantically before sighing, “fine. but don’t… look suspicious.”

bucky watched her in amusement and thought about telling her the same as she crept through her own house; peeping out of windows and taking note of which cars were in their driveways before even thinking about opening the door. he slammed it shut to crowd her against it, capturing her lips heatedly, but gently. a timid whimper escaped her, fingers coming up to grip onto his shoulder.

with a hand on the doorknob, he pulled back, smirking down at her. “you’re gonna think about my offer, right?” she nodded breathlessly, fingertips gingerly dancing across her lips. “good girl. you know where to find me when your mind’s made up.”

he slipped out of her house with a final wink, leaving her to go about cleaning up her forgotten bowl of soup and making sure there were no signs of the bassist being there. it was maybe half an hour later when she heard the front door open from where she was lounging on her bed.

her mother stepped into her room, shuffling over to her bed. “you feel any better?” she asked, tight smile pulling at her lips. the younger shrugged, fingers twitching against her comforter. “mrs. coleman just stopped me outside, told me she brought some soup over.” her mother’s tone was firm, causing her to swallow around nothing, fear spiking in her veins. “she also told me she saw some delinquent sneaking around _my_ home not even an hour ago.”

“mom, i-i don’t…”

“you don’t _what?_ ” the older snapped, ripping the sheets back from her daughter. “clearly you don’t think i’m smart enough to smell the scoundrel on you! or see the dirt he tracked all over my house…” she pointed to the end of the younger’s mattress. “all over your _bed_.”

lo and behold, there were smears of mud all along her baby pink duvet, a little trail leading from her window to the hall. how could she have missed that?!

“get up,” her mother bit, yanking her daughter’s arm until a yelp of pain ripped up her throat. the older’s eyes roved over her, as if she’d be able to spot any evidence of her claims. “have you lain with him?”

when the younger simply diverted her gaze, it was all the answer needed. what could she possibly say? ‘ _not technically_ ’?

her mother snarled at her, turning to storm out of the room. “you selfish whore!” she screamed over her shoulder, younger rushing after her to try and explain herself. “who will have you now?!”

before she could stop herself, she called out, “he will!”

that stopped her mother cold, spinning on her heels at the entrance to the kitchen. “you think a degenerate like that wants _marriage?!_ have i raised that much of a fool?!”

“you don’t know anything about him!”

slamming her purse onto the counter, the older laughed bitterly. “i should have known you’d do something like this. all those looks you gave that man in church… the boy from the farmers market… no shame.”

“what? mom, i never…”

“get out,” her mother grated, stepping forward. before her daughter could protest, she hollered, “get out of my house!”

struggling to resist being forced toward the front door, the younger grabbed onto anything she could reach, crying out, “where will i go?!” in the foyer now, her mother held onto her with one arm, throwing open the door with the other.

“i don’t care! go stay with that bastard who stole the last good thing you had to offer!”

and then she was out on the porch, wood rattling in its frame before her. initial shock fading from her, she started to sob with her entire chest, hands twisting at the locked knob. her forehead fell onto the hard surface, body slumping soon after. and then, as if on cue, the sky opened up above her, rain beginning to pelt against the small awning over her.

terrified and barefoot, she forced herself to brave the cold droplets, starting in the direction of the apartment she’d just been to last night. wrapping her arms around herself, she looked up just in time to see mrs. coleman stepping away from her window, floral curtain swinging back into place.

~

steve scratched at his bare chest, placing his cigarette back between his lips before answering the door. the sight before him made the damn thing almost fall out of his mouth onto the floor.

“jesus, girl, what are you _doing?_ ” he pulled her shaking form inside, guiding her over to the tiled kitchen.

“w-where’s bucky?” she whimpered, teeth chattering. he placed her in front of the stove where he had leftovers heating up to curb his munchies, calling over his shoulder for the brunet. when bucky finally strolled into the room, he stood frozen for a second.

“what the fuck happened?” he fumed, catching her when she fell into his arms. the two men listened as she hiccuped through the events of the last hour, having to stop periodically to catch her breath. by the time she was finished, steve was offering over his hot food, and bucky was ready to explode. “that fucking bitch!” he shouted, “i knew something like this would happen.”

she jumped, dropping her fork onto the table with a clatter. bucky clenched his fists at his side, taking a few deep breaths before he got to his knees beside her. she turned in her chair when he took hold of her hands.

“you see, baby? this is why i want you to come with me. so i can protect you from all this shit.” hands still shaking and ice-cold, she nodded, not knowing what other options she had. “why don’t we start with some dry clothes, huh? i don’t have any of those cute little day-of-the-week panties, though.” through her tears, she managed a small giggle.

bucky led her into what she assumed was his bedroom; empty bottles littering the floor, clothes scattered on every surface. he plucked a towel from the back of a random armchair that he seemed to be using for the few pieces of clothing he managed to organize. draping it over his shoulder, he moved to the small chest of drawers in the corner and dug through the bottom compartment.

“let’s get you outta that gown, yeah?” he threw what looked like pajamas onto the bed behind her before starting to lift the hem of her nightgown up. she forgot to breathe as he exposed more and more of her bare flesh until she stood completely nude in front of him. “pretty girl,” he purred, kissing her temple.

she let him pat at her damp skin with the towel, his touch surprisingly gentle. satisfied with himself, he threw the now soaked cotton back into the corner, and picked up the pair of sweatpants he’d placed to the side. she shivered as he knelt before her, easing the soft fabric up her legs, leaving warm kisses behind on her skin. smirking up at her, he snapped the waistband playfully.

just like with the pants, he lowered the matching sweatshirt onto her torso, fingertips grazing over her breasts in the process. “thank you,” she murmured, wiggling her toes in the carpet beneath her feet.

“you want some socks, too?” she shook her head and sat herself on the edge of his mattress, feeling her stomach cramp up in hunger. to her horror, it gurgled loudly, making the older laugh. “want more of those leftovers?”

“if you don’t mind…”

“not at all, baby. wait right here.”

he slipped out of his room, leaving her to hug herself soothingly. the loungewear felt brand new and fit her almost perfectly, just oversized enough to give the illusion of being broken in. now that she noticed it, she brought a sleeve to her nose, smelling nothing but that crisp, fresh-from-the-store scent. it was a little odd that bucky even _had_ a matching set that was just the right size for her… but maybe they’d been a misguided gift or left behind by another girl.

that thought made her heart tense up, so she chose to forget about the whole thing.

~

bucky grabbed a beer from the fridge on his way out of the kitchen, catching sight of steve reclined on the couch, an amused grin on his bearded face.

“what?” the brunet pried, juggling his drink and hers in one hand, plate in the other.

steve shook his head with a breathy laugh, looking to his friend thoughtfully. “the hell did you do, buck?”


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a few things get wrapped up in brooklyn, a few things get unwrapped in los angeles

bucky smiled into the back of her neck when her sleeping form let out a long sigh. he liked how she looked in his space, in his bed, against his chest. trusting mind too at peace to follow the little breadcrumbs of iniquity he’s left behind for her. one day she’d open her eyes, but until then, he’d enjoy every second of innocence.

watching her blink herself into consciousness, he grinned, “morning, sweet girl. you sleep okay?” she nodded somewhat reluctantly, and he brushed his thumb over her cheekbone. “well, _i_ did. it’s gonna be so nice wakin’ up to this darling little face of yours every day.”

“when do we leave?” she was eager to get out of new york, forget everyone and everything, even if it was just for a few months.

“tomorrow morning. bright and early.”

“ _what?!_ ” she shrieked, suddenly wide awake.

“we’ve got that shit with _creem_ , remember? they wanna shoot us at the whisky ‘cause that’s where the first gig is gonna be, and then-”

“i don’t understand any of the words you’re saying.”

bucky let out a hearty laugh, smoothing his thumb over the crease in her brow. “don’t worry, baby. we’ve got plenty of time to teach you all you need to know.” seizing her wrists, he slid his body over hers until she was flat on her back, gazing up at him with an indiscernible expression. “you excited?”

she bit into her bottom lip, flesh quivering just slightly. “i’ll need to… i have to get some of my things, i suppose…”

“mm, of course… can’t forget that little bunny,” he grinned, ducking down to brush his lips over her jaw. her breath started to waver, skin growing hot beneath his touch. “kinda into those panties of yours, too…”

“bucky…” the hesitation in her voice was glaringly obvious, but he pushed in closer, nipping at the skin along her neck until he got to the collar of her sweatshirt. a shiver ran through her, bringing little bumps to the flesh that bucky started to suck into his mouth.

“you cold, baby? i’ll keep ya warm…”

“stop!” her chin crashed into his forehead harshly when she shot up, ripping her wrists from his hold. bucky let out a groan of pain before fixing his eyes on her stood beside the bed. the weight of his gaze hit her instantly, causing her knees to buckle slightly beneath her. there was something in the naturally crystalline hue that froze her in place. and then it was gone just as quickly, leaving a coldness in the air behind it. “i-i’m sorry…”

standing from the bed with a smile, bucky cooed at her, “nothing to be sorry about.” she took a step back, but bucky simply walked past her, landing a gentle smack on her bottom as he went. “come on, let’s go get you packed up.”

bucky led her around the back of the building where she expected him to guide her over to a car. the vehicle he stopped in front of had her jaw nearly cracking against the pavement with how quickly it dropped open.

“i can’t get on that!”

the brunet turned to her with a leg already thrown over the hunk of metal, his eyes trailing up and down her form. “you break your legs in the last ten seconds, or…?”

“no… they’re dangerous.” her voice got quieter as she spoke, eyes falling to the wheels of the motorcycle.

“everything is dangerous… if you’re doing it right,” he smirked. before she could roll her eyes at him, he grabbed onto her arm and yanked her toward the bike. “now come on, i’ve got a lot of shit to do today.”

not wanting to be any more of a burden than she already felt she was, she hesitantly swung a leg over the seat behind him, instantly wrapping her arms around his waist when she sat. she shut her eyes once the thing roared to life, but they shot open when bucky began rolling out of the small parking lot.

the thought of having to face her mother again started to cause even more knots to form in her stomach as they whipped through the streets of brooklyn. it wasn’t a long ride, wasn’t even that long of a _walk_ , and before she had time to process anything, she was staring at the house she’d grown up in.

bucky stood up from his bike and offered out his hand, an almost comforting smile on his face.

she began chewing her lip as she looked past him to the window that saw into the living room. “she’s probably still home… she doesn’t go in until late on mondays…”

“and?” bucky prompted, not waiting for any kind of response before he placed both hands onto the seat on either side of her, crowding into her space until she had nowhere else to look but directly at him. “nobody’s gonna lay a finger on you as long as i’m around. got it?”

when she nodded, he simply lifted a brow at her, encouraging her to breathe out, “okay.”

as she stepped up to the front door, she prayed it was open so she could just walk in without a fight to enter her own home. a shaky hand wrapped around the doorknob, twisting it with a sigh of relief when it gave way. her eyes immediately began jumping around to each corner she could see, heart dropping into her stomach once she stepped forward and caught sight of her mother sat in the living room.

neither of them spoke a word, just stared at each other until the younger gave in and started cowering off to her room. her bed had been stripped of all its linens, pillows thrown haphazardly onto the floor. her lip started to tremble as she crouched down to pick up her stuffed animal from where it was face down on the carpet.

sensing her hesitation, bucky took the rabbit from her hands and made a show of cradling it like a child. she looked up at him sadly until he pressed the pad of his finger to the tip of her nose and began wiggling the flesh. swatting his hand away, she held back the giggle that threatened to escape.

“get packin’, baby,” he directed around a laugh of his own.

kicking herself into gear, she pulled out the brown luggage from beneath her bed and started picking through the clothes in her closet. the stash of garments she only wore around bucky were first to get thrown into her suitcase, followed by light sweaters, some jeans, a mix of sandals and boots… it was california, but surely it was still a little chilly there this time of year, right?

one of the hangers snapped in her palm from the force and speed she had yanked on it with, and she hissed, looking down to see a line of red forming on her skin.

bucky was at her side in a second, stuffed animal tucked under his arm as he pulled her hand up to inspect the damage. “breathe,” he whispered, “go take care of that, and get anything you need from the bathroom sorted. i’ll finish up in here.”

“but… bucky…”

“do it.”

whining at the back of her throat, she eventually did as he said, not wanting to fight over the fact that he didn’t know where anything was. most of the necessities had been packed already, underwear and pajamas were all that really remained. and a few things she wanted to grab just to have. but she’d be back, hopefully, someday. she didn’t need to completely clean the place out.

she slipped into the bathroom and started digging around under the sink for the first aid kit. quickly, she cleaned out the small cut and slapped a bandage on it uselessly. of course it had to be the palm of her hand. tossing the wrapper into the trash, something caught her eye.

little shreds of lilac filled the bottom of the bin, and picking one up confirmed what she thought. _her soap_. the nice lavender one that made such luscious suds. _her favorite one_. looking closer, she could see a lid peeking out from under the mess of mangled soap, and she dug it out reluctantly. _her face cream._

bucky humored her a little as he tossed in each pair of those damned day-of-the-week panties, knowing full well she’d hardly be wearing any. but they had a certain appeal, so he figured they could be some fun here and there.

before shutting the drawer, a flash of pleated plaid caught his eye, and he slid it back open. holding the fabric up, he could tell exactly what it was and smirked to himself with a shake of his head. “little bambi… such a cliché,” he sighed, glancing over his shoulder before folding the skirt up tightly and slotting it into the suitcase beneath everything else.

he was about to dig into the drawer further in search of the rest of the uniform when a choked sob sounded from the bathroom. his fists clenched at the sound, and before he knew it he was busting into the room, eyes immediately finding her slumped against the small trash can.

“the hell are you doing? the cut ain’t _that_ bad.”

“b-bucky, she…” her voice couldn’t quite keep up with her mind, and she ended up just holding out the bin for him to see.

glancing into the trash, bucky had to take a second to even figure out what he was looking at. “you’re cryin’ over some soap? doll,” he laughed, putting the bin back on the floor and hauling her up by her arms. “i’ll buy you all the soap you fuckin’ want, okay?”

she wanted to explain that she wasn’t upset over the fact that she’d have to replace the products, that it was how her mother had destroyed something that she got enjoyment from simply out of spite. nothing came out of her mouth, though, as bucky guided her back into her bedroom.

“you know what? just grab whatever’s most important. anything else you need, i’ll replace, okay? let’s just get the fuck outta here before somethin’ smites me where i’m standing.”

her mind was all over the place, not settling on any one thing, so she just threw whatever she could think of into the nearly-full suitcase. the things she really couldn’t lose to her mother’s viciousness. an old photo album from her grandmother, every piece of jewelry she owned, and the wad of money she kept hidden in a pair of old tights in her closet.

“done?” bucky grinned, snatching up the luggage with ease. sighing, she nodded, making for the door before coming to an abrupt stop.

“oh, wait!” she almost knocked him over as she pushed past him, popping open the door to her nightstand to pull out a square, black case. “it’s… can i bring my camera? it would be nice to have some pictures of the trip.”

bucky’s lips seemed to stretch from ear to ear as he stared at the camera case. “yes it would. very nice.” looking back to her face, she smiled timidly, slipping the thin strap over her shoulder.

when they walked back out toward the front door, her mother was peeking through the curtains in the living room, glaring at the motorcycle at the end of her driveway. hearing their footsteps, the oldest turned to them with a sour look on her face. bucky would have been fine with just waltzing right back out the door, but instead he watched as the youngest stepped up to her mother slowly.

“mom,” she started, voice trembling almost as much as her hands. “i love you…”

there was only a moment of pause before a harsh smack rang out through the house.

bucky pushed himself in between them quickly, moving the younger behind him as she held onto her smarting cheek. his eyes pierced down into the older’s, daring her to make another move. she took a step back from him, craning her neck slightly so that her daughter could see her.

“ _this_ is what you’ve given up your future for? bringing him into my home… you think he’ll protect you? hm? give you a good life?” a hand gripped onto his shirt from behind, either to comfort herself or rein him in. bucky didn’t care as he watched her mother shake her head. “i want you to remember this moment when he has you all hopped up on drugs, getting tossed around to all his friends!”

something akin to a snarl left his throat, drawing the attention of the woman before him. as if she was looking at him for the first time, her eyes grew wide and she took a step back. one hand clutched her chest as the other quickly darted to form the sign of the cross, willing him away.

“bucky,” came a squeak behind him, hand in his shirt pulling gently. “please, i just wanna go…”

pulling back up to his apartment, bucky killed the engine and forced the kickstand down with enough force to cause his boot to slam onto the cement beneath it. when he climbed off, she looked up at him with tears stained across her temples from the wind, arms folded over her suitcase awkwardly to hold it in place.

“hey,” he shushed, wiping at the sides of her face. “all that shit’s behind you now. tomorrow it’ll be just you and me, baby. takin’ the west coast by storm, yeah?” she pulled a weak smile, and bucky leaned in to plant a kiss to the tip of her chilled nose. “well… me and you and the guys and the crew, couple people from the label…”

that finally got her to laugh. it was more of a rush of air coming out of her nose, but he’d take it for the time being.

~

watching the hordes of people rush through the airport had her leg bouncing up and down beneath the bassist’s head until he turned his cheek to bite into the meat of her thigh.

“ow! what-”

“quit fuckin’ practicing your tap dancing or whatever the hell it is you’re doing. i’m trying to nap before all this shit.”

glancing down at him, she continued to thread her fingers through his hair like he asked, waiting for him to sigh contentedly before asking, “i thought you said the flight left at noon.” bucky grunted in acknowledgment. “it’s almost half past one, bucky!”

“relax, kid,” steve chuckled from his seat across from them, not even bothering to look up from the book he was reading. “we leave when the bossman says we leave.”

right on cue, a shorter man started making his way over to the group, dressed to the nines in the nicest suit she’d ever seen.

“and that would be him,” sam chuckled, standing up and signaling for everyone else to do the same. “hey, stark, what happened to that whole ‘be on time or get left behind’ schtick?”

“i’m in no mood, singer.” he stormed past all of them to glance out one of the huge windows they were sat beside. turning back to them with a click of his tongue, he went to say something but stopped short. she swallowed nervously when he faced her and bucky, lifting his sunglasses dramatically. “and you are?”

“bambi. she’s comin’ with us,” bucky grumbled out, finally deciding to sit up. “bambi, this is our record exec…”

“tony stark. pleasure to meet you… bambi… stripper?” before she could even squeak out her surprise, he carried on, “i wasn’t even aware you were joining us. i don’t have an extra seat.” the words rushed out of his mouth so quickly, she could hardly keep up. luckily bucky caught it all and laughed bitterly at the older man.

“she’ll sit on my lap if she has to,” he bit, grabbing their carry-ons.

the older man, tony, ran his eyes over her for a second before rolling them with a small shake of his head. “fine. whatever. let’s go before i have to fire myself.”

in a blur, they all started filing through the terminal to what seemed to be a private departure gate. she wasn’t really sure what to expect going into this, but it definitely wasn’t the fancy, upscale, private plane they were boarding. all the seats were luxurious, lined in plush fabric. the aircraft itself seemed to go on forever as she stared down the center of it. various spaces sectioned off for different uses… it was unbelievable.

as they all began picking seats, whether in the actual _seats_ or along one of the sofas or even at the _bar_ for some of them, tony began counting silently to himself. “that’s odd.” everyone groaned in unison as he gave the okay to shut the door. “our number is right, but technically we should be one over. who’s missing?” when no one said anything, he started scanning through the galley, inspecting everyone’s face. “where’s that real scrawny one… mitchell? michael?”

“bucky decided he wasn’t very, uh, beneficial to us anymore,” sam confessed, catching her eyes and wiggling his brows with a chuckle.

huffing, tony leaned against the end of the bar, snapping his fingers at the guy behind it. “right before the tour that could make or break your career? of course he did.”

they all went about their own business as the plane started to ascend. the only one actually strapped in, and clutching the seat for dear life, she turned to bucky with a furrowed brow. “michael?” she choked out, trying to focus on feeling the floor beneath her feet. “like michael from the party? he worked with you?”

“you just won’t let me sleep today, will you?” bucky muttered, dropping his seat back until he was completely horizontal. “yeah from the party. and he didn’t work with me, he worked _for_ me. he was just a dumb roadie.”

the discussion was as good as over, bassist slinging an arm over his eyes without another word. no explanation for why he’d fired the guy she’d met that first night at the bar. was it her fault? suddenly she couldn’t tell if her hands were shaking from the plane or from her guilt.

finally, the craft leveled out, and they were high up in the clouds. craning her neck, she peeked out the window, gasping at the sight. “bucky,” she chirped, reaching behind her to grab at the older. “bucky, look, it’s… that’s new york! everything looks so small…”

the brunet was already fast asleep, leaving her to watch the skyline roll by beneath them in wonder. before she knew it, miniature skyscrapers were fading out into the countryside, then farmlands with the smallest little cows anyone could ever imagine. the longer she watched, the heavier her eyelids grew, and suddenly she was unfastening the belt from her lap and climbing over into bucky’s.

~

landing was less glamorous than taking off, the pair of them groggy and confused from sleep, simply following after everyone else as they loaded onto a bus equally as high-class as the plane. bucky kept an arm around her the whole ride, mouth lazily tracing along her face from her chin all the way up to her temple until she let her head fall back onto the seat behind them. he took the new angle to nip and suck along her neck, humming as he pulled away with a loud smack of his lips.

“i like you like this,” he purred, gripping her jaw with the hand curled around her shoulder.

“like what?”

“all loose and warm… lettin’ me do whatever i want to ya…” his voice trailed off as he slid his fingers up to her lips, prying open the seam of them. her jaw went slack around them, allowing the digits to graze across her tongue. and, to his surprise, she even bit down on them playfully, eyes sparkling with mischief. “mm, yeah, definitely like you like this, sweet girl.”

“hey, uh, jim and judy, wanna give it a rest until we’re at the hotel? it’s two minutes away.” the annoyance in tony’s voice was evident as he stared daggers at the two.

without looking away from her, bucky smirked, “that mean you and me are brothers, stark?”

“christ, i’d rather shit myself at the grammys.”

the bus erupted in laughter, little giggles still drifting from a few members of the crew when they pulled up to the hotel. even from the outside, she could tell it was expensive, towering over the street and blocking out the sun. it was significantly warmer than in new york, but there was a nice breeze blowing by as bucky handed over his signature olive backpack to her.

tony took care of handing out room keys, stopping everyone before they could all run off. “remember, ladies, no drinking and no drugs unless i’m invited.”

and with that, the small ensemble headed for the elevators. she got into one with the main band, bucky crowding her into the corner with both of their suitcases in his hands. pressing his chest to hers, he stared down at her until she looked up, fighting her smile.

“excited?” he beamed, ignoring the two other people in the small space.

“yeah…” she shrugged, feeling her stomach begin to twist with conflict. “nervous, too.”

“the nerves are good,” sam called from over bucky’s shoulder, “they keep you on your toes.”

the bassist kept his gaze zeroed in on her despite her efforts to respond to his bandmate. the silence luckily didn’t last long, doors opening with a ding before all of them shuffled out and disappeared into their separate rooms. and for the first time since he’d asked her to join him, she realized just what these next few months would entail.

living in a room with bucky. alone. just the two of them.

the click of the door behind her had her spinning on her heels to face the older, cautious smile on her lips. he dropped their luggage right where he stood, advancing toward her without a hitch. her breath got caught in her throat when he pulled the backpack from her shoulder, placing it gently on the chair just next to them.

“what did i say about gettin’ all shy on me?”

“i-i’m not getting shy, i just…” she stepped back before he could try to grab her, trying to keep her wits about her as she made her way over to the huge window on the other side of the room. “i just wanna take it all in. i’ve never left new york before… and this hotel is so nice.”

“yeah?”

“yeah!” she squeaked, biting her lip right after. “look! there’s a tv… and… lamps…” she heard bucky chuckle at her, sounding a little closer, but still a good distance away. continuing to inspect every inch of the room for something striking, she padded over to the nightstand. “oh, and room service!”

“hmm, i _am_ a little hungry…” his voice was right behind her now, rough hands snaking around her waist to creep toward the button of her jeans.

“wait!” she shrieked, spinning around in his arms. “c-could we maybe just take a nap? i’m still kinda tired.”

instead of the scolding she was expecting, bucky simply kissed the corner of her mouth and pushed her onto the bed. “sure thing,” he sneered, “you gonna sleep in jeans?”

glancing down to the blue denim wrapped around her legs, she shook her head slowly. the brunet hummed with a crooked grin, motioning for her to go ahead with removing the fabric. a part of her worried that if she didn’t do it herself, he’d jump in and do it for her. so instead of dealing with _that_ outcome, she slumped back onto the mattress and shimmied out of her pants.

“comfy?” receiving no answer, bucky pulled the sheets from beneath her roughly, commanding her to get under them with just a look. once she settled, he crawled in after her, pulling the covers over his head.

“w-what are you doing?”

“shh, baby,” he cooed into the stuffy air around him, using nothing but his touch to guide himself around her body. “i just wanna make sure mini bambi is feeling all right.” starting to pull the satin material of her panties down her legs, bucky felt her tense up almost instantly. “maybe give her a kiss to make it better.”

words failed her as he bit along her thighs, mouth inching up to her core until he gripped her knees tightly, forcing them up and over his shoulders. it wasn’t what he was doing that caused her hands to shake, it was the fact that now they were _in bed_. with no one around to stop him from pushing her to go all the way. not even herself.

one of her hands fisted the soft comforter around her waist at the first touch of his mouth, tongue quickly following it. any soreness had long since faded, but the soothing laps of his tongue were undeniable, forcing her eyes to flutter shut. her skin tickled where he began running his hands up from her hips, over her stomach, and back again.

at first, it was nice and languid, just enough pressure to let her know he was there. and then suddenly he was digging his fingers into her thighs, pulling her closer onto his mouth. a gasp punched out of her chest when she felt him begin sucking that little bundle of nerves into his mouth, letting it go with a groan of satisfaction. it was muffled, but she could hear him curse against her, mouth and breath equally heated.

bucky felt like his blood had caught fire once he had her taste back on his tongue, a deep breath flowing from his nose. he pushed his face in further, delving into her entrance for more. her legs twitched in his hold as the muscle dug around inside her, curling to pull as much out as he could.

“b-bucky,” she panted, squeezing her eyes shut at the feel of him massaging along her entrance, the flesh sensitive and throbbing in need. and maybe she was still a bit raw because the sensation burned so beautifully the more he abused it. a plea for more died in her throat as he flattened out his tongue, slowly trailing it back up her. even behind their lids, her eyes rolled back in her head once that agonizing suction formed around her bud again.

through the haze of pleasure, she felt his thumbs start to caress her skin gingerly. the action brought tears forward, head digging into the pillow beneath it. there was this raging war inside her between the butterflies swarming her stomach and the muted pleasure that ran up her spine each time he released her bud with a harsh rasp.

a moan against her caused her hips to lift up into his face, bassist grunting in approval before pinning her down harder. he could hear her keening above him, felt the sweat starting to drip from the backs of her knees. the same way his own started beading at his hairline. with another suck, he had her back arching off the bed, her body practically vibrating under his touch.

everything was just too _good_. had her breathing turning heavy, more whines and guttural moans than her restrained sighs.

“louder.”

she almost didn’t hear him through the fog of her own voice and the thrumming of her heartbeat in her ears. the demand made the heat behind her face turn scorching, embarrassment plaguing the desire to follow his order. but it was the way he seemed to bask in her sounds, trying desperately to pull them from her, that finally broke the seal. with a graze of his teeth, she cried out into the hotel room, clenching at the way it bounced off the walls back at her.

bucky grinned into her mound, doubling down on getting more of those cries out of her. the tender flesh went alight under the onslaught of his tongue. a graze of teeth turned into the ghost of a bite, causing her hips to jerk as a shout ripped its way out of her chest.

her thighs squeezed around his head, muffling her delight until he forced them wider. they moaned in unison when he took a second to focus on the source of her juices, pulling that tang to the back of his throat where he wanted it to stay forever. bucky knew she was right there, ready to fall over the edge.

keeping his mouth right where it was, he stretched a hand over to start circling her pearl with his thumb.

shame or embarrassment went out the window as she listened to him slurp obscenely at her core, grunting and growling against the flesh. she began rocking her hips into his face, moaning out for him desperately. the knot behind her navel felt almost painful, forcing her back off the mattress once more to try and alleviate some of the ache.

it only made it worse, older planting his lips back around that tender spot, practically inhaling it.

“y-yes, bucky, _please!_ ” she whimpered. as the knot began to unravel, so did she, devolving into a shaking, babbling mess. she could feel the way his lips twisted into a smirk against her, so pleased with himself for turning her into this.

shorter and higher moans began tumbling from her mouth uncontrollably before a final long, shaky one pierced the air. bucky brought his thumb down to her hole to feel it spasm around nothing while she writhed in bliss. he refused to let up until she was near-sobbing, heels digging into his ribs to try and push him away.

a weight settled over every inch of her body, slowly, very slowly, calming her heart down. she could feel bucky continuing to lap at the mess coating her slit, but was more lulled by it than anything else. when it stopped, she heard a hum of thought from beneath the sheets.

“you should bottle this up. sell it.”

eyes opening for the first time since he finally got her to give in, she squawked, “ _what?_ ”

“i can see the ad now… _‘bambi’s homemade syrup: great on its own or in teas…’_ or some shit like that… on pancakes, maybe. it’d make you millions.”

“you’re crazy!” she shouted through the laugh that bubbled up her chest. “get out from under there!”

“mm, i don’t think i will. smells so good in here…” and then she was tugged into the cloud of arousal he’d trapped himself in, eyes struggling to adjust to the darkness. “smell it, baby? don’t it smell like heaven?” hovering over her, bucky watched as her mouth gaped like a fish, no words finding their way out. he clicked his tongue at her. “i gotta teach you how to take a compliment.”

one at a time, he wrapped his fingers around each of her wrists, pinning them above her head. she gasped at the pressure when he lowered himself down, their noses brushing faintly.

“now… what do you say when i tell you how good your pussy smells?”

his breath was hot against her face, the waft of her juices within it hitting her like a brick. it made her face burn up once again as she whispered out, “th-thank you.”

bucky smiled impishly before pursing his lips. “mm, better… how about when i tell you how good she tastes?” he showed no hesitation, placing his mouth over hers, tongue forcing its way past her lips to brush against her own.

it wasn’t the first time he’d made her taste herself, but something about it had her toes curling and her thighs tensing. she thought he must be crazy to find the flavor as enticing as he seemed to. ‘sweet’ was an overstatement, but the longer he smeared it along her palate, the more she found herself following after it, even chasing his lips when he finally pulled away.

“thank you, bucky.”

“very good, sweet girl.” when he didn’t release her, she tried to lift her head up for another kiss. “now say it,” he finally growled, dodging her advance.

dropping her head back onto the bed, she sputtered out, “i-it tastes good…”

“what does?” he snapped, tightening his hold on her wrists.

her throat bobbed around a swallow, chest starting to heave under his own. “my pussy tastes good.”

grinning, bucky rewarded her with the kiss she’d tried to seek. just a quick peck before he was pulling away to coo, “that wasn’t so hard, was it?”


	5. five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cameras and groupies and beer bottles… oh, my!

“no, no, no, no, no…”

glancing over her shoulder, she watched tony for a moment, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, cigar balancing between his unoccupied fingers. he was clearly distressed about something, but most of what he was saying was business jargon. it went right over her head. so, instead, she was watching as some sleazy-looking cameraman followed bucky and his bandmates around.

she didn’t know what to expect of a professional photoshoot, but whatever she could conjure up in her mind didn’t resemble anything close to what she witnessed. the gruff man ordered them around to different parts of the venue, snapping a picture once they all posed.

bucky seemed unfazed by it all, occasionally throwing a wink her way when he caught her eyes. followed the last one up with a dramatic kiss to his hand, waving his arm out as if he were throwing it across the room to her. she shook her head with a smile, dropping her gaze to the sticky bartop beneath her forearms.

as tony continued to berate whoever he was on the phone with, something he said caused her ears to perk up. not wanting to be rude, she waited until he ended the call, slamming the handset back into place with a frustrated sigh.

“did you say something about europe?”

“jesus harold christ! when did you get there?!”

her brows furrowed at his exclamation, eyes looking around for a second before she explained, “i’ve been here the whole time.”

all she got in response was a grunt, older bringing his drink up to his lips. he nearly finished it off before he looked back at her, raising an eyebrow. “what?”

“i asked if you said something about europe.”

“yes.”

realizing that was all he was going to say, she glanced over to bucky. the bassist was too busy watching sam shove steve’s drumsticks up his nose to see her. “well… what about it?”

tony eyed her with an almost annoyed quirk to his brow. “you’re serious?” he deadpanned, laughing when she nodded her head. “unbelievable… you think i’m tagging along just for a few stops along the coast? absolutely not.” this time, he did finish off his drink, taking to keeping his mouth busy with his cigar instead. “it’s the second leg of their first major tour. as in, their first _world_ tour, get it? i’m not here for fun, i’m here to make sure those animals don’t fuck me outta my investment and blow all of our chances for a future in this business.”

bucky looked away from sam just in time to see his girl’s face sour with confusion, a little anger if he took the scrunch of her nose to mean anything. she looked to him, eyes squinting slightly. trying not to let his own irritation show, he dipped his eye into another wink, clenching his fist when she simply turned away from him.

“uh-oh,” sam feigned worry, nudging the brunet in his side. “trouble in paradise?”

a tight grin pulled at bucky’s lips as he looked back to his bandmates. “far from it, my friend.”

sam shook his head with a laugh, nodding to the photographer. the guy thanked them and started over to where tony was pouring himself another drink. “yeah, yeah…” as the three of them watched her awkwardly shuffle her feet, sam poked, “how _is_ training for the world’s best groupie coming along?”

“perfect,” bucky beamed. “better than expected, actually. she’s the ideal student.” he saw steve’s face start to contort into a scowl, egged on by it. “very willing… eager.”

“we get it,” the blond groaned, snatching his drumsticks out of sam’s hand, gripping them in his own tight enough to emit a squeak from the smooth wood.

bucky eyed him suspiciously for only a moment before he shrugged the reaction off, chalking it up to jet lag or just steve’s usual mood swings.

“yeah, well you better hope you’re not the only one around here gettin’ some once these shows kick off… now that you’ve done away with our ‘talent scout.’”

sam’s comment caused bucky’s jaw to clench. “get over it,” he spit. “i’m the one that hired him. he served his purpose, so i fired him. simple as that. you wanna run your mouth over having to hunt for your own toy every night since michael’s not around to do your dirty work anymore, find someone that wants to listen to it. ‘cause i don’t.”

it was silent between the three of them for a moment, the brunet’s outburst stunning the others until sam finally let out a bitter huff of a laugh. “man, get the hell over yourself,” he sneered. “his purpose was to get us all laid, not find you some pet project to entertain yourself with.”

bucky’s hand was wrapped around the singer’s collar before any of them had a second to process the movement. “shut your fuckin’ mouth, wilson.”

sam shoved at bucky’s chest, hissing out, “are you fuckin’ nuts?!”

“don’t talk about her,” the bassist started, practically seething. “don’t look at her, don’t even _think_ about her unless i tell you to. got it?”

“enough,” steve snapped, stepping up to try and hide the altercation from tony and the photographer that was still loitering around by the bar.

with a chuckle, bucky released his hold, smoothing his hand over sam’s shirt before tugging on it to straighten the fabric back out. “just messin’ with ya,” he chirped.

sam just rolled his eyes, stepping around steve to head toward the back.

glancing briefly at the blond, bucky stretched out his back. “you gonna tell me off?”

“no,” steve stated, taking a step back. “i _am_ gonna tell you that you need to chill the fuck out in front of stark, and especially in front of the guy that’s gonna put our names on the map.”

bucky looked over to said guy, watching as he made for the exit of the venue, seemingly oblivious to the whole ordeal. the other man in question started toward them, drink in hand, and girl trailing behind him. the second she was near him, bucky felt a sense of calm wash over him, reaching out for her with a smile on his lips.

“don’t,” she grumbled when he went to plant a kiss to her cheek. before he could question her, or listen to whatever tony had started complaining about, she spoke again. “i need to talk to you.”

“okay,” he grinned, smile falling as soon as she turned her back to start leading him away from the others. when he reached for her again, she yanked her hand back, sending a scowl his way. snorting like a bull, he crowded into her space until her back hit the wall behind her. “what’s up your ass now?”

her brows cinched together tighter, hands pushing against his chest to no avail. “why didn’t you tell me…” she huffed, crossing her arms as some form of self protection. “you said the tour would only be a few months. and only the west coast!”

grinding his teeth, bucky bit out, “what, did stark say something?”

“like the truth?”

her tone stopped him dead in his tracks, eyes hazing over as he stared down into her own. she pressed herself as tightly as she could to the wall, looking over his shoulder for some means of escape. for a moment, she thought she’d found it when steve glanced over to the two of them, but before she could plead silently to him, bucky was stepping back into her line of view.

“you gettin’ comfortable around me?”

it was lighthearted, almost excited, and just like that, she relaxed enough to drop her arms from her chest. “europe, bucky?” she relented. “that’s- i don’t even have a passport!”

laughing, bucky snatched her hands up, rubbing his thumbs soothingly against her knuckles. “don’t worry about any of that, okay? stark will sort it all out.” when she just bit her lip in response, he began trailing his fingers up her arms, coming to rest atop her shoulders. “come on,” he purred, digging into her tensed muscles. “i should’ve told you, i’ll own up to that, but… i was just so excited thinkin’ about bringing my girl on the road. i didn’t wanna scare you off… just yet.” he grinned impishly at her before locking their lips together.

she felt sick with herself at how easily it was for him to get her to give in. even though she was still a little upset, she couldn’t help but whine needily at the back of her throat the more he dug his tongue into her mouth. it was a sickly combination of having those slate eyes take her in, hearing those sweet words, tasting those pouty lips… she practically melted in his hold.

pulling back, bucky ran a hand up from her shoulder to swipe at her bottom lip with his thumb. “still mad at me?” he asked around a smirk. she held back her own as she shrugged, leaning into his touch the longer it lingered. “need more convincing?”

“maybe,” she giggled, dragging out the word until he silenced her with another kiss. more heated and sloppy, but it made her core start to ache regardless.

from behind him, bucky heard tony start to call for him and sam, but he simply groaned, pushing the girl in his hold further into the wall so he could slot a leg between hers. she gasped against his lips, hands shooting up to grip his biceps. they flexed under her palms, older taking the sides of her neck into his grasp. his thumbs began to dig into the column of her throat, rubbing up and down until the skin vibrated with a moan.

another, more irritated call of his name echoed throughout the building, finally getting him to detach himself from her with a wet smack. her eyes took a moment to flutter open, revealing dilated pupils and that dazed look that had his jeans straining around his hips.

placing a last little peck to her forehead, he pulled her along to where the rest of the band and their manager stood, annoyed look on the latter’s face.

“thanks for joining us,” he scoffed, only getting a wink from the bassist. “i need updated tour pass pictures, like, yesterday, so straighten yourself out.”

bucky only had a second before a camera was pointed at his face. “fuck,” he groaned as the machine whirred, spitting out a blank square. tony ripped it out of the slot, shaking it a little before he slid it into the breast pocket of his jacket with two other pictures. “bambi’s gonna need one, too.”

“i suppose she will,” tony agreed, aiming the camera at her. her eyes blew wide, mouth opening to protest, but she was cut off as the flash exploded across her vision.

“no!” she whined, going to reach for the picture, but tony quickly stowed it away with the others. “i-i wasn’t ready! i’ll look ridiculous!”

“it’ll be fine.”

steve’s voice caught her off guard, blond diverting his eyes when she looked to him.

“no, no, that’s good,” tony decided. “security will have an easier time recognizing you if your picture matches that constant ‘help me, i’m lost’ look.”

~

the first show was hectic to say the least. roadies and security running around, barking orders at one another, trying to coordinate everything over the sounds of screaming fans waiting beyond the stage. everything was muffled to her anyway, big, bulky earmuffs sat heavily atop her head at bucky’s request. she felt a little ridiculous since she was the only one wearing them, but every time she tried to remove them, the bassist snapped them back into place, wagging his finger at her.

it wasn’t until the last song of the night that she noticed loud chatter behind her, even through the buffer. chancing a look over her shoulder, she saw a group of women watching her. one of them waved excitedly, beckoning her over with a grin on her painted lips.

she swallowed nervously, glancing back to the stage to see bucky immersed in his performance. he’d told her to stay put, but the group behind her seemed adamant about getting her to join them.

curiosity finally got the best of her, and she shuffled over to them, the tallest of the group immediately removing her earmuffs. sound pounded through her head, causing her to flinch slightly, getting a laugh from the girls before her.

“aw, i’m sorry, babe!”

the three that had their attention fixed on her all began cooing at her dramatically. it wasn’t patronizing, though. they each seemed to be genuinely affectionate.

“what’s your name, sweetie?” the brunette with glitter dotted around her cheekbones pried, smiling when the younger offered them her name. “cherry,” she replied with a glint in her eyes. “that’s tawny, and she’s cleo.” cherry pointed to each of her friends respectively, the two other women grinning enthusiastically.

before she could reply, cleo reached out to run a manicured hand over the threads of her sweater. “you’re _so_ unbelievably cute,” she giggled.

the younger felt her face heat up, stuttering out a small thanks. “you- you’re all very pretty.”

and they _were_.

all done up to the nines and then some. not one chip to be seen on any of their painted nails, makeup pristine and almost professional. their clothes were equally awe-inspiring, and the younger found herself tempted to reach out and stroke the fur coat wrapped around cleo’s shoulders the same way the older had done to her.

“you’re with bucky, right?”

“um, yeah…”

“how did you two meet?”

three sets of eyes were glued to her, eagerly awaiting her reply. trying to steady her breathing and bite down the wave of insecurity she felt, she managed to squeak out, “at a show.” they all began gushing between themselves.

“that’s, like, the dream!” tawny squealed, placing a fingernail between her teeth.

she let them sweep her away with their bubbly personalities, ending up squeezed between them on a couch in what she thought might be sam’s dressing room. they pressed her for more information on how exactly her and bucky had met, telling her to spare no details. she’d never had this before. all the attention and interest… it made her feel special to have such flawless girls fawning over her.

just when her cheeks felt as if they’d never stop aching from all the smiling, the door swung open, revealing a sweaty and clearly irritated bassist.

“think you girls have something of mine,” he grated, trying to force a smile despite the stern furrow to his brows.

“oh, do you _have_ to take her?” cherry pouted as bucky sauntered up to them, offering out his hand for his girl to take.

“it’s past her bedtime, i’m afraid.”

that had her face burning with embarrassment, the snickering of the girls behind her only fueling the fire. the second he pulled her from the dressing room, she snatched her hand from his hold.

“now what?!”

too ashamed to admit the feelings welling up inside her, she stormed off, trying to find her way out of the venue. tears stung at her eyes, spilling over when she finally found the exit, busting through the door onto the sidewalk.

it was just that she’d finally felt like she fit in for a moment. finally felt like more than just a bumbling child getting carted around by bucky, burdening him _and_ his band for simply being there. as much as she hated to face the truth, she was overwhelmed. she missed brooklyn, she missed the solitude, she missed her mother.

the door beside her flew open, bucky stepping out with a cigarette already between his lips.

“i’m sorry, baby,” he sighed, pulling the smoke from his mouth. she sniffled, spurring on more tears from the frustration. “come ‘ere.”

she glanced at him, shaking her head petulantly. with little effort, bucky pulled her into his side, keeping her in place despite her squirming. eventually, she gave up, burying her face in his chest to continue her sobbing, older rubbing his hand along her back comfortingly.

~

it’d been a few days since her meltdown at the whisky, neither one of them bringing it up. no matter how badly she wanted to just scream into a pillow each night. it wasn’t just that he’d embarrassed her in front of those girls. it wasn’t just that he’d started making her stay in the hotel during their shows. it was that he hadn’t touched her in days. five, to be exact.

left alone in a different hotel room every night, her mind started running off on its own.

was he already sick of her? had he found someone else at one of their shows, and he was just keeping her around as a joke? then she’d start to think of the girls from the first show, and she began worrying that he’d realized he made a mistake taking her along. why would he choose her when he had girls as beautiful as that lining up for him after every set?

when he returned to the hotel, she was already sitting up in bed, waiting with shaking hands and trembling breaths.

“there she is,” he slurred, trying to toe off his boots without losing his footing. he still had a beer bottle in one hand, nearly losing it when he stumbled over to the bed. “what’s that look for?”

“can we… can we watch another movie?”

his eyes lit up as he looked down at her, hairline littered with sweat. “wanna have another movie night?” she nodded. “your turn to pick, right?”

“actually… can you pick something again?”

bucky already felt his cock starting to stir within his jeans, devious grin splitting his lips. “tell you what,” he hummed, “how ‘bout you flip through and find something you like while i take a piss? how’s that sound?”

“okay.”

planting a sloppy kiss to her forehead, he handed her the remote and headed for the bathroom. he laughed to himself once inside, trying not to gloat too obviously about finally getting her to initiate something. even if it took a little isolation on her end.

when he stepped back into the room, she was intently watching the television, legs already twitching where she sat with them folded beneath her.

“find somethin’ good?” he purred, looking over to see the chick on screen gagging around her partner’s cock, guy’s hand buried in her teased hair.

“bucky,” she started, sliding toward the edge of the bed. “i… i wanna try that.”

“oh, do you now?” she looked up at him through her lashes, nodding sheepishly. “hm, i gotta start training you first, baby.” bucky watched her tilt her head in confusion, crooking his finger as he directed, “up on your knees.”

the younger complied, kneeling up so that she was practically at her full standing height. bucky hummed in satisfaction, nudging her chin up slightly before tapping his fingers to her lips. she took the cue and opened her mouth, staring at him expectantly. his eyes were fixed on her tongue as it twitched and spasmed, rearing back when he reached in to touch it with his middle finger. her eyebrows pinched as he added his ring finger to the mix, pushing down on the muscle with the pads of his digits.

beer bottle still in hand, he placed it at the back of her neck, keeping her in place as he started slipping his fingers in deeper. her eyes fluttered for a second, frown deepening the closer he got to her throat. it was when he’d started digging into the corners of her lips with the space between his fingers that she gagged weakly, innocent eyes becoming glossy with the start of tears.

“little more, bambi,” he marveled, pushing in so he could feel the velvety walls of her throat constricting around his fingertips. she heaved, gagging enough for him to pull back with a smirk. “that’s all right. get on your back.” wiping at her eyes, she did so, watching as he crawled onto the bed beside her. “up a little… good girl.”

her head hung off the mattress, bucky’s hand keeping it in place with a hold on her neck.

“open up wide, baby, and don’t bite down.”

without hesitation, she did so, waiting for something to slip past her lips. when the cold, hard bottom of his beer bottle started pressing onto her tongue, she pushed his hand away. “w-what are you doing?”

“i can’t give ya the neck, sweetheart,” he chuckled, “need something… closer in size.”

shaking her head, she kept the bottle at a distance. “i don’t… i don’t think i can…”

“ _i_ think you can,” he grated, fighting against her to bring the glass back to her lips. “if you can manage this, the real thing is gonna be a breeze, okay? now open back up for me, baby.”

she did so hesitantly, fighting the urge to bite down around the foreign object. it was big and daunting with how easily she could shatter it if she made one wrong move. but she was determined to do as he said, wanting so badly to impress the bassist enough to keep him interested.

as the bottle slid further into her mouth, she felt bucky’s free hand tugging at the waistband of her sleep shorts. it made her whimper around the glass as the older slowly thrusted it back and forth. when his fingers finally found their way into her panties, they both let out a moan.

“damn, girl, what did you get up to while i was away?”

her folds were already drenched, allowing bucky to slip two fingers into her with ease. her channel immediately clenched around the intrusion, little whines getting caught in her throat as the bottle pressed to its entrance. watching it disappear past her lips had him near-throbbing within his jeans, driven even more mad by the silky lining of her center.

“you’re doin’ so well for me, girl. gonna be ready to take my cock in no time.” the praise had her arching slightly off the bed, bucky’s leg landing over hers to keep her still. it brought his clothed cock flush to her hip, eliciting a groan from the older. drunk off his ass from not only the alcohol but the sight of her taking it at both ends, bucky began grinding down into her, thrusting his fingers and the bottle faster.

the room quickly filled with his grunts and groans, pitiful gags sounding from her in between her own muffled whimpers, the tv buzzing quietly underneath it all.

she could feel the outline of him against her bare hip, hand moving on its own to slide between their bodies. bucky hissed when her palm brushed over the head through his pants.

“fuck this thing,” he growled, tossing the bottle somewhere, causing her to wince when it shattered. “take ‘em.” his fingers slipped into her mouth again, younger immediately beginning to suck on them as her own worked at the bulge in his jeans.

his hips bucked on their own to assist her ministrations, hand in her panties starting to match the pace of his grinding. she cried out around his digits, prompting him to shove them in deeper until she choked, free hand wrapping around his wrist.

she could feel tears pooling at the corners of her eyes, running down into her hairline, spit drooling out around the older’s fingers. it oozed down her cheeks, drying stickily before more followed in its wake. her lower abdomen seized under the pressure of his fingers digging into that spot inside her that he always managed to abuse relentlessly, thumb flicking over her clit just often enough to have her shaking beneath him.

“fuck, baby,” he panted, fucking into her hand desperately. “gonna make me cum in my pants like some fuckin’ teenager.”

all she could do was lie back and take the onslaught of stimulation, tongue fighting to keep his fingers from going deeper into her throat. the tension was building within her, spurred on by the thought that bucky would be joining her in the bliss this time around. as if he could sense it, bucky doubled down on her core. the hand in her mouth, unable to work on its own, began roughly poking around her throat, stretching her lips until she was sure they’d split.

a bolt of pleasure ripped up her spine, bringing tinier pulses right behind it until she was practically screaming around his fingers. she braced herself, ready for it to turn into pain, used to him continuing his punishing efforts to have her on the verge of tears. but in the blink of an eye, he was withdrawing his hand from her panties, bringing it up to his lips so that she could hear him lapping at the mess she’d made of it.

“fuck,” he strained, “look at me.”

with his fingers still in her mouth, she brought her head up slowly, seeing little spots around the corners of her vision. the sight of him almost had her scrambling away in fear; older’s eyes dark like she’d never seen, fixed on her lips as they puckered around his digits.

grunting, bucky shifted his weight so that he was completely on top of her, free hand wrapping around her neck, pressing her into the mattress as he continued to grind down onto her. “that’s it, baby,” he heaved. “look so, _so_ good.”

her eyes were blown wide in fear, airways struggling to take anything in as he put practically his entire weight on her neck. it allowed him to get a good view of her gagging around his fingers while still fucking against her hand. when she gurgled wetly, throat shaking under his palm, he finally lost it, shooting his load into his pants with a guttural groan.

“fuck,” he snarled, dragging it out until he physically couldn’t anymore.

she gasped under him when his hands fell away from her, lungs burning to try and make up for lost breaths. it was only a few seconds before he was sliding off the bed, hauling her up by under her arms.

“c’mon,” he panted, “on your knees.”

she fell to the floor heavily, a shock of pain shooting up through her thighs at the impact. his hands went to his belt in front of her face until she looked up at him.

bucky went still for a moment, staring down at her bloodshot eyes and face covered in tears and spit, before something flashed across his own, and he was fumbling toward their luggage. over his shoulder, he barked out, “don’t fuckin’ move!”

she was too stunned to even think about going anywhere, watching warily as he produced her camera case. her heart sunk into her stomach.

standing before her again, he nudged her hand with his foot. “fold your hands,” he instructed.

she sat dumbly for a beat, realization slowly creeping over her face. “wha- no!”

“do it!”

his voice bounced off the walls, bringing fresh tears to her eyes. slowly, she did as he said, pressing her palms together like she’d done countless times before.

“now look up at me.” lips trembling, she kept her gaze to the floor, silently taking advantage of her current position to pray that he’d come to his senses. it went unanswered as a slap landed to the side of her face. “don’t make me ask again.”

letting out the sob that she was trying so hard to hold back, she brought her eyes up to him, staring into his crazed features before they were covered by her camera. it clicked, flash leaving little black spots behind in her eyes. her hands fell to her sides as she slumped back against the bed, oblivious to the older setting the camera down so he could continue undoing the fastenings of his pants.

“no pouting, baby,” he cooed, nudging her with his foot again. “clean up the mess you made.”

timidly, she looked up to see his bare lap, covered in something gooey and slightly milky-white. afraid of what might happen if she refused him again, she sat back up to begin licking gingerly at the substance. it was salty and tangy on her tongue, forcing her eyes shut.

“now, how can you see where to clean with your eyes closed, silly?”

they shot back open, burning fiercely into his own as she continued lapping up the repulsive evidence of what they’d just done. to her horror, his cock started to twitch, threatening to grow hard once more. she looked at it warily, watching as it bobbed on its own, bucky sighing above her. the last of the mess was along the side of his length, but when she went for it, he fisted a hand in her hair, tugging her back so forcefully she yelped out in pain.

“did i say you were ready for that yet?” at her silence, he gripped tighter, shaking her head slightly. “huh?”

“n-no! i’m sorry! stop, please!”

he laughed cynically before releasing her, letting her body slump back again. “you did a good job, bambi, but i need a shower.”

she waited for him to walk away, but he remained in front of her for what felt like hours before crouching down so he was at eye-level.

realizing she wasn’t going to look at him on her own, bucky gripped her chin gently, forcing her gaze on him. “oh, baby,” he pouted, “don’t be like that. you know i don’t mean any harm, i’m just havin’ fun with ya.” wiping at her cheeks, he lifted her back onto the bed, getting her under the covers fairly easily despite her unwillingness to help him out. “get some sleep, doll.”

with a final kiss to her forehead, he walked toward the bathroom, pep in his step until the door shut behind him.

she listened out for the hiss of the shower before finally letting the tears start up again, blurry vision catching sight of the developing picture where it sat on the nightstand.


End file.
